Sunday, April 29, 2007

George Tenet is Pissed Off

Watching 60 Minutes tonight I realized that George may have been biting his lip for a long time to protect ongoing investigations and probably bullshitted his way through a few committee hearings but I don't think he was happy about it. He is far from blameless in creating an environment in which a case for war in Iraq could have been made but I think that he finally is telling the truth in many cases about what actually went on and what his role was in the worst military mistake in recent history.

Looks like Condi was the most complicit in this charade so far but she is such a tool that we will never hear her side of the story. She and Cheney might as well be the same person. They continually reiterate the same lies as talking points that they spouted before all this got started. I have heard both of them insist Saddam had WMDs as recently as this year. How the fuck can they continue with that sort of talk? Sooo angry. HULK SMASH!

Back to George. He was so mad that he was squirming in his chair like he hadn't peed in a week. I thought he was gonna wrassle with Scott. His passion behind his statements convinced me that he was scapegoated and that Perle was the fuck who really orchestrated a lot of this shit. Frontline made similar assertions in a program focusing on Tenet a few years ago.

Also on the show was the biggest mind blowing anti common sense argument for not keeping guns out of the hands of the mentally ill that I have ever heard. Makes me want to buy a gun. Proly a bad idea.

Friday, April 27, 2007

No Surprises

Watched the debates last night. Lots of candidates means you really can't get at the substance of each candidate in the time alotted. The one thing that came across loud and clear is that Mike Gravel is a surly old man who might want to have his blood pressure checked. I thought he was gonna start slapping people.

Aside from Mike nearly having a melt down, there wasn't really much in the way of a debate. Everyone really seemed to agree on most issues aside from Dennis "The Impeacher" Kucinich. He is often right about issues but comes off as a little cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs sometimes.

Joe Biden Brought the funny with his one word response.

Finally, I think I might have a crush on Dennis' wife Elizabeth. When I first saw them together I though it was his daughter. That fella robbed the cradle propah.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Greatest Shits

Someone please remind me never to shake Sheryl Crow's hand. After her one square of TP remark, I was a little baffled. I don't know if her bowel movements are made of stone or if she has some sort of retractable anus that works like an ovapositor or something but I have to do a little scrubbing down there after I do my business. I'd like to take a shower after I make with the #2 but that's just not always an option and probably not so smart when it comes to water conservation. If I use just one square of paper, I am probably gonna need a whole mees of paper towels to get my hands clean. I apologize in advance for the horrible mental pictures this might have caused.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Dumb, Dumb, Dumb, Dumb Ass Remark

John McCain has gotten himself in trouble by saying stupid things before and this is certainly not the worst. He was asked a question that was rather disturbing and tried to be light hearted and funny. The question that he was asked by a person who seemed to want us to nuke Iran was something like, "When do we send 'em an airmail message to Tehran?" His Beach Boys reference might not have been such a fucking bomb if we weren't bogged down in Iraq right now.

The thing that really bothers me about this and other comments (ala Ann Coulter) is that when they are uttered in front of a conservative audience. People seem to think it's hilarious. I guess I've been living in my blue city/state for too long.

My message to John is simple. Stay away from war jokes and don't say "gooks" anymore. Maybe you'll get the VP bid from your party. Also, don't blow your nose on stage. That's gross.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Gonzales Gets Grilled Updated

Arlen Specter nearly bit Alberto's head off this morning. You do not go in front of the Senate and make smug comments about always being prepared when the reason you're there is because you are a fuck-up.

I expected Arlen Specter to hand Alberto his ass today. I expected Chuck Shumer to shit hammer him. Leahy? Oh, yeah. He has been preparing for this for weeks. But Coburn, Grassley, and Lindsey fucking Graham? I have seen Graham defend some seriously fucked up shit to save Bush's ass and I figured he'd do the same here but I couldn't have been more wrong. He even seemed to be enjoying himself while he handed Gonzo his ass.

I think that the AG is going to keep his job because he went out there today and took the heat for the White House. The only good thing I have ever been able to say about the Bush administration is that they are intensely loyal. Loyal to a fault to be certain but I've always respected loyalty. He got ass reamed so that Karl Rove doesn't have to and I think that Bush will reward that. Unless he resigns on his own, I don't think Bush will ask for it. Maybe that is why the Republican senators were so vicious today. Could be, though it is probably because they deeply resented the idea of using a loophole in the Patriot Act to bypass confirmation hearings.

A special shout out to the guy in the audience who was keeping tally of the number of times "Fredo" said, "I don't recall." At last count it was well over 70 times.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Don't Hurt Me Hammer

I am getting a day off from work tomorrow. Sort of. I (along with a number of other folks from work) am heading down to the Back of the Yards hood to volunteer for Habitat For Humanity. It's a great organization and I am thrilled to be associated with it. I plan on volunteering again on my own next month. Jimmy Carter rules!

Career Builder allows me 3 paid days off a year to do charitable work. We are also sponsoring a town to support The Millennium Project to end hunger in our lifetime. It makes me proud to work for a company that is so dedicated to giving back to the community. I even got to shake hands with Jeffrey Sachs at a company party . Very exciting for a dork like me.

If anyone is interested in having their company volunteer time or donate to one of these causes, please let me know and I can have one of the corporate coordinators in these organizations get in touch with you.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Feeling Kind of Pale

Rode my bike to work for the first time today. Took a lot longer than my test ride because I had not factored in the traffic difference on a Saturday as compared to a Monday. I was about 10 minutes late. My boss was late too so no big deal.

Apparently, riding your bike to work in the burbs is an odd thing to see since I had a number of remarks thrown my way on my way home. They include the following:
  • Ride your bike on the sidewalk, asshole.
  • Nice bike, faggot.
  • Look! It's the 40 year old virgin.
  • Woo-hoo!
There were a few others that I couldn't make out so maybe they were/weren't aimed at me.

Apparently, the sidewalk remark is born out of the fact that you can ride your bike out there and never run into anyone. The streets are packed but the only people I saw using the sidewalks were people on bikes. It's illegal in the city but in Jefferson Park it appears to be the preferred use. As for the other comments I say:
  • Why does riding a bike make me gay? Also, it's 2007 folks. Can we stop using that word?
  • I am not 40 and I slept with lots of ladies in my day. Who? Girl I met at Niagra Falls. You wouldn't know her. She's from Canada.
  • Woo-hoo indeed. I was hauling ass down Foster at the time and with the wind in my hair I probably looked pretty dashing.
When I got back to my predominantly Hispanic neighborhood I realized that my skin is awfully white this spring. My darker skinned neighbors made me feel really pasty. I make Rose McGowan look like Lorenzo Llamas. Gotta get a little sun on these legs.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

The Times (And Climate) Are A Changin'

I went to the hospital today to meet my new niece. She is beautiful and I am very proud of Melissa and Steven. Steven does have an awkward way of holding the little lady that makes me nervous to watch. I know he'd never drop her but... It just makes me nervous. Melissa is a natural though so I am sure he'll pick up on the tricks of the trade.

I rode my bike back home and when I got to the intersection at Diversey and Western, I had to stop for what seemed like an eternity because of traffic. That's when I saw some folks with sandwich boards and fliers. One of them was heading my way. There is an abortion clinic at that intersection and I thought to myself, "Please, do not let one of these people show me a picture of a dead baby after just seeing a brand new life." Thankfully, they spared me that.

Instead, they tried to give me a pamphlet calling global warming a hoax and that Al Gore and his cronies are part of a massive conspiracy to benefit Democrats and that this science insulted god somehow. Now I wanted to tell them, "That's an abortion clinic over there, ya know?"

I am so sick of people arguing for or against global warming. Even if you're one of those folks who thinks it is a hoax (I call them nut-jobs), you still know that we are damaging our planet. I mean, these people were standing in the middle of Western Ave. . There had to be a few times today when they held their breath when a cloud of exhaust fumes got in their face. Why would anyone try to stop a movement that will improve our environment and enhance our quality of life? Fucking retards.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Good Time To Start A Drywall Company

The USOC just announced that Chicago is their choice to be the host city for the 2016 Summer Olympics. I am thrilled. I have always believed that I live in the greatest city in the world. The best people, the best vision for development and the best park system of any urban center I have ever been to.

I think that we have a better chance of winning the bid at the IOC level than anyone else. The idea that all the construction will create new affordable housing as a legacy of the games along with the creation of more park facilities along the lake front is great news. Every time I go down to Millennium Park, I get a little pang of pride and the idea that we can add to that is truly great news.

Plus, I fucking hate Los Angeles.

Ad Problems

So I decided to sign up for this ad thing and I am a little disappointed on how it is turning out. I assumed it would be based on some sort of relevancy like the way G-mail uses key words from emails to post links to ads or products I might be interested on the right side of my screen. Problem is that right now there is an ad for Ann Coulter's book and some thing about Jesus. They change from time to time but I HATE Ms. Coulter and I am an atheist so it is a little off putting to have these ads up. any body know of a remedy or a way to have them not at the top of the page? I don't want anybody thinking I am a right winger or a religious zealot.

I Can't Wait For The Baby SItting Revenue To Start Rolling In

I am proud to announce that my brother and sister in law finally got to meet the little lady that has been hiding in Melissa's belly for the last nine months. Her name is Mia Esme (my emerald) and she was 8 pounds 10 and a half ounces. This is my 8th niece/nephew and the first that was well thought out and planned. The rest were all "happy accidents." Seems that some of the family have been a little careless. Now I gotta get down to the store and buy some booties.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

A Final Confrontation

Alderman Joe Moore and opponent Don Gordon were on Chicago Tonight just a few minutes ago and I have to say that Joe made a powerful argument but somehow still came off as being an asshole. He stepped all over Don's speaking time and the moderator let him get away with it. I hate it when a moderator does not do their job. I was pretty disappointed. Phil Ponce should have handled that one instead of the 15th ward debate going on now. He has a lot more control .

In any case, I think that Joe is the man to vote for because he doesn't seem to be as deeply in the pockets of outside influences as Gordon which is amazing considering Joe has been at the job for a long time. Gordon did explain his opinions well but I came away feeling that it is better to stick with Joe for now as he at least has a direction that (if sometimes unpopular) he feels is what the majority of his constituents want.

I think that the blue light cameras scare off business as well as criminals but that's the only thing Don and I seem to agree on. I hate to be a tool but I think I gotta vote for Joe. Again.

Cancer, Political Gold

Fred Thompson today released the news that he has cancer that is in remission. McCain has had skin cancer. Edwards got a big boost when he announced his wife has cancer. Bob Dole had cancer. John Kerry? Colon cancer. I am starting to wonder if the question we need to be asking ourselves this political season is not "Can a black man or a woman win the presidency?" but rather "Can a man with a healthy colon or a woman with healthy breast tissue win the nomination from their party?" My advice? Smoke 'em if you got 'em.

Spring Has Sprung

Not really. If you live anywhere near me you are probably a little disgusted with Mother Nature today. As I write this I am watching a full on blizzard going on outside my office window. I am gonna go slap the shit out of Tom Skilling later on.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Don Imus-t Be Retarded

The title of this post is about all that needs to be said. Don is an old man who should not be fired because he is a racist but because he is boring and a fossil. I sometimes catch his show on MSNBC once in a while and it is pretty lame. And let's get rid of the cowboy hat. What kind of an asshole wears a cowboy hat to do a radio show in their New York studio? What a dick.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

K-Mart Hates Jesus

I am not a religious person so while much of the city was celebrating Easter today, I decided to bee-bop on down to Target and pick up a few items. It was a nice walk along the Boulevard but when I got to Target they were closed. You see, I had forgotten it was Easter altogether since I had no plans to celebrate and I am retarded.

Anyways, I headed down Elston to give Kohl's a shot. No dice. They were locked up tight. Wicker Park K-mart? Bingo! No religious zealots runnin' K-mart. Scored a new lock for my bike and some Vitamin Water and then ran into my friend Tom in the parking lot who gave me a ride home.

Had myself a sammich and got dressed for a long bike ride. I decided to test my route to work. It's a pretty good ride at about 13 miles each way. It was fun to get out and ride again after being cooped up all winter. Also, it was nice to get out of the house and away from the disturbing cooing of the amorous pigeons on my back porch.

I felt pretty good when I got back and stopped at Wally's for a treat but alas they were closed. K-Mart might be run by atheists but Wally's is run by Polish folks and nobody loves themselves some Catholicism like the Polish. So instead of sausages for dinner I am ordering Thai food as my reward. I'm sure my doctor would be thrilled since this is the first year I can remember not eating 6 pounds of spiral cut ham on Easter.

By the way, doesn't it seem strange that we celebrate the the resurrection of the King of the Jews by wolfing down a whole mess of pork? Maybe it's just me.

Happy Easter to those of you who are inclined to Christianity. If you're Greek orthodox, I'll see you at Walgreen's tomorrow scoring those discounted Peeps.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

10 and 2 Please

Most days on the train I read a book but sometimes on the way home I just want to shut my brain off for a little while. A new hobby I have come up with is peering out the window on the blue line and observe the things people do when they are driving that do not encourage safe driving. I figure about 40 percent of the people I viewed were doing things they shouldn't be doing. Here is a short list of the things I have seen:
  • Cell phone use (most common and illegal activity)
  • Talking on phone while gesturing wildly with other hand (Who's got the wheel? No one.)
  • Reading (material usually pressed to steering wheel)
  • Nose picking
  • Smoking with arm hanging out window
  • Talking to person in back seat
  • Trying to get something from back seat
  • Putting on make up
Those are all pretty pedestrian and common. Now for the ones that floored me:
  • Trimming toe nails (foot on steering wheel)
  • Brushing teeth
  • Drinking beer in plain view (someone with a cell phone call a cop please)
  • Passenger giving driver a "noogie"
  • Smoking a joint
  • Taking shirt off
  • Cleaning the car (Armour All-ing the car)
  • Checking their blood sugar
  • Making out
That's just so far this week. I have to say that I am very disappointed that "rocking out" is not on this list. As far as I am concerned that is the only reason to own a car in the city. I mean, it's five o'clock folks - time to "Get the Led out."

Monday, April 02, 2007

Unintelligent Design

Recently, I was turned on to a group of people who call themselves Raelians. Led by their prophet (Rael) they believe that we are the product of aliens blended with primitive Canadians. They make many claims that their religion is based on science. They seem rather harmless but the science they use to support their claims is so suspect that only a primitive Canadian would believe it.

Watch this introductory video into their beliefs and have a good laugh:

Crooked Wheels

I love riding my bike so when it was stolen a few weeks ago, I was devastated. Really, I actually worry about my bike and hope whoever has it now treats her good. I am practical though and can't go without a bike on a warm day. I got a new for me used bike yesterday.

I had been looking for a bike for a few weeks on Craigslist and eBay. I bid on a couple and inquired about a few only to find that they were already sold or I was outbid. Started to get ready to head on down to Target and buy a piece of shit Huffy when a really nice Schwinn came to my attention for a ridiculously low price. I called the guy and he told me where he lived and to call again when I got there.

So I head on down to the meeting spot and call the guy again expecting him to come out of the building I am standing in front of. After a few minutes, I see some fella walking down the street from the opposite corner with a bike. As he gets closer, I realize that this is the bike I came to see. "Why would he meet me on some anonymous corner not by his home?", I thought, "Maybe there is something wrong with the bike and that is why it is so cheap and he doesn't want someone coming to his house to return it." He is now right in front of me.

"Michael?", he asks.
"Yeah, that's me."
"Nice to meet you."

The guy I was supposed to meet went by Dave over the phone.

We shake hands and talk a little about the bike while I inspect it. The bike has a few minor scratches but is otherwise like new. I take it for a quick spin and put it through its paces but still no apparent flaws. "Why is it so cheap?", I think again and again. Now, at some point it occurs to me that the bike is stolen but how do you ask a guy if he is a thief? I decide to ask him why he is selling it. He says he is just selling it for a buddy of his who does not have a computer and can't list it himself.

I look the bike over again and make idle chit chat while I try to absolve myself from any moral fault.

Devil on shoulder: This bike is f'n sweet!
Angel: This is ill begotten loot to be sure. Doth thou want to support a man that thine own self doth revile so?
Devil: This bike is sooo f'n sweet.

I bought the bike.

To whomever the rightful owner of this bike is, I promise to take good care of her.