Friday, August 31, 2007

Gay Old Pachiderms

Warner is retiring after this term. Tony Snow, Gonzo and Rover are all resigning. Looks like the GOP has decided to pack it in in many cases and let someone else deal with all this shit. The Rs must be really thankful that the heat of summer is almost behind them.

Fall Political Predictions:
  1. Senator Craig will resign before the weekend is out. I guess this is still a summer prediction technically.
  2. Reid will start playing ball with Republicans when it comes to troop withdrawal guidelines.
  3. Another scandal will soon come to light revealing things about some of the folks who resigned. I say this because after a bunch of folks bailed out at Justice the whole US Attorneys fiasco broke.
  4. Fred Thompson will enter the race and go on the offensive against Giuliani. He will drop out in early January and throw his support to Romney.

I am sure I'll be claiming to have misspoke about these in a few months but the chance to gloat if I am right is just too tempting. Besides, this is the internet and I can edit this shit later.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Thompson Gets Into The Race With A Bang

Fred Thompson will announce that he plans to enter the race for the White House today after months of speculation. Unlike many candidates who make their announcements in large public spectacles to the cheers of thousands and receive incredible amounts of free press coverage, Thompson will make his announcement to a few hundred close supporters via a conference call.

I, for one, applaud this ballsy choice to make his announcement. Nothing tells me a candidate is determined and excited about becoming the next president like sitting in a conference room thousands of miles away from him staring at a black box with the mute button on. You can feel the excitement coming down the wire. It also engages the imagination. What is he weraing? Where is he calling from? What's the weather like there? Does he have pants on? Who knows?! He could be playing a game of smiles in a Philipino brothel for all we know. It's all so exciting.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to reserve the third floor conference room for today's announcement.

Gone-zales II - Electric Boogaloo

AP reports today indicate that the Office of the Inspector General (OIG) responded to a request by Patrick Leahy to investigate whether or not Gonzo made misleading or inappropriate statements to congress, Inspector General Glenn A. Fine stated, "The OIG has ongoing investigations that relate to most of the subjects addressed by the attorney general's testimony that you identified."

I am almost certain that the timing of this announcement was such as to allow Fredo a few days to pack his bags and get out of town before the shit hit the fan.

Monday, August 27, 2007


It apperas that Gonzo finally got sick of being Chuck Schumer's favorite punching bag and decided to quit. I was floored. Halfway through the announcement I expected him to say, "Did I say resign? I'm sorry. I misspoke."

Bush seemed very disappointed in his response to the news. I don't blame him. After standing by his incompetent ass for nearly 6 months of non-stop scandals, I fully would have expected the little bastard to stick around.

There's been a lot of speculation as to who will take over as AG. I hope it's not Chertoff. Although very competent, I'd rather see some altogether new faces over at Justice.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

A Conversation With My Friend's Dog That Is Moving To Los Angeles

Me: Who's a good girl? Who's a good girl?

Bianca: Woof!

Me: Who wants a biscuit? Who wants a biscuit?

Bianca: Woof!

Me: You're moving to LA in a few weeks and I am gonna miss you. Yer the best dog I ever get to play with, lady! Yer panting a lot. You want an ice cube, girl?

Bianca: (quizzical look)

Me: OK. Here's an ice cube. That'll cool you off. When you get to Los Angeles, you're gonna need a lot more ice cubes. It's warm there all the time. That's why everybody there is skinny. It's too hot to be fat. Yer gonna have to lose some weight. You can only be fat in LA if you are playing the catcher in a kid's baseball movie or goalie in a hockey movie.

Bianca: (sniffs crotch)

Me: Ya know, like in that movie about the Ducks and the Sand Lot? After that, you gotta get buff and be a C-lister like Jerry O'Conell or pack it in. You can't be doing the truffle shuffle and expect anyone to take you seriously unless you're really skinny.

Bianca: Owwwrrrrr.

Me: Exactly. Do you think Christian Bale would have done any fucking thing after Newsies unless he got really skinny and totally ripped? Hell No! He's got weird teeth and an odd accent.

Bianca: Shut the fuck up.

Me: I want a biscuit.

More On Infrastructure And Shit

Ahem. Rant coming.

G-Bushy and the Republicants (I sometimes spell this with a U) have decided that it is more important to fund the war and not raise taxes than it is to repair the nation's roads and bridges as well as other infrastructure projects. This is a Libertarian like argument and it really pisses me off. They expect that federal projects can build roads and then leave them to the states to maintain. It's such ridiculous bullshit since the division of wealth from state to state is vastly varying. Taxes provide funding for infrastructure projects that create jobs. Estimates say that for every billion that goes into an infrastructure project, 40,000 jobs are created. Why would anyone argue against it? Because we are a nation of children who want everything but want someone else to pay for it. I am not a rich man and I would rather pay more in taxes than have another person die because a levy breaks or another bridge falls.

I Love The Internets

This show was canceled after myriad complaints from PETA and other animal rights groups but I can still watch the oh so wrong footage thanks to the interwebs. Enjoy the following clip for all the wrong reasons:

I feel dirty. Here's another. The commentary is priceless.

Friday, August 24, 2007

I Was Going To See Superbad

TThen I read the review of The Bratz movie and decided I should go see what is being reviewed as "the worst movie of the year" and "I can't believe it was even released in theaters." How can I pass up an opportunity to see such a god awful disaster? If you want to meet up, I'll be the only non-retarded male over the age of 7 sitting in the back.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Mind Nam-ing

In a speech in front of a VFW convention yesterday G-Dubs made direct comparisons with Vietnam to the war in Iraq. If I had a jug with "XXX" printed on it, I would have done a double take and tossed over my shoulder. You see, a few years back when Kennedy was using such comparisons to criticize Bush's handling of the war he said that statements like that were preposterous and that the suggestion "emboldened our enemies." Well, I guess he can consider them good and emboldened. now.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Rove Not Exactly Getting Grilled

Karl Rove was on Meet The Press yesterday and it was a huge snooze fest. I was more than a little put off by it. Where the hell was Russert? I was hoping for him to be all over him about the Plame leak but instead we were treated to David Gregory boring the shit out of us. Blech.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

The War On Tehran-ism?*

The White House recently decided to designate Iran's Revolutionary Guard Corps (basically a branch of the Iranian army) as a terrorist organization. Am I the only person who is a little worried about this shit?

*In the event we go to war with Iran, CNN is going to have to pay through the nose to use this title.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Who Wouldn't Want To Take This Stuff?

I used to have an odd sensation in my legs that made it hard to get to sleep sometimes. Doctors call it Restless Leg Syndrome or RLS. Then my doctor recommended Mirapex and life has been great ever since. I no longer have those annoying urges to move when I want to relax. It's great but the benefits don't stop there. Here's a brief list of the other benefits:
  • Falling asleep while driving makes boring road trips go by much faster.
  • Standing up is like stepping off a merry-go-round. Weeeee!
  • My earning potential is sure to take off with my new found interest in gambling.
  • It's entertaining to watch my sex partners walk funny.

Karl Rove Resigns

When I first read this headline it was pretty early this morning and I thought it said "Karl Rove Re-signs." I was like, "Holy shit! What kind of contract did they give him?"

At the end he thanked God for his continued strength and guidance. The Almighty's spokesman had no comment on God's involvement with the administration.

Kind of glad he is gone but at this point there was little that this administration can accomplish as Bush is a lame duck. His absence means very little. Perhaps it will aid in other investigations as the argument for executive privilege becomes less viable in court but GW's term will be over by the time those decisions are made.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Bill Richardson Is Not A Scientist

Bill is seen here struggling with a question that a lot people have a hard time with and doing a very bad job of answering it. I don't think he is against homosexuality necessarily but he is reluctant to commit to the notion that someone is born gay. I would guess that as a Hispanic Catholic he feels the need to support the views of his church and community. To be fair, it is a loaded question that basically is looking for him to say something he doesn't believe even though his personal opinion might not necessarily direct his style of governing.

I have had many long discussions on this topic especially when I was studying anthropology in school. I even considered writing my thesis on the topic but the kind of studies needed to make my argument were not readily available at the time and I could not afford to pay for such a massive project. My theory on the subject is still valid even if I cannot provide concrete evidence at thtis time.

I do think that gay people are born gay. We are all born with certain predetermined talents and inclinations in a variety of things. Some people are born with gifts for athletics. Some are born with a knack for music or the arts and some people are born who will eventually have sexual feelings for members of their own sex. Some of these things are genetic and others are controlled by development. I believe that sexuality is a function of the latter.

It doesn't make sense that homosexuality would be passed along via genes. I make this assertion because gay people cannot have children. Over time the gene for homosexuality would have been selected against and would have died out. Sure, a few people who denied their true selves due to social constraints would have married and had children here and there but that would have been rare.

What's more probable is that during the embryo's development, factors such as hormonal exposure, temperature, diet and other things contribute to the child's sexuality. Hormones especially play a huge role in development. There have been some incredibly accurate predictors for a child's athletic ability that are directly related to the mother's testosterone levels during pregnancy. In males, there is a direct link between the percentage difference in length between the ring and index fingers that contributes to the average man's muscle composition. Testosterone levels during development have been proven to directly affect this equation. I think that these same types of factors are what decide a child's sexual preference as well as many other social characteristics.

At the end of the day, I think that Bill and I have very different ideas about how one becomes a homosexual but I think that we'd both agree that gays have the same rights as everyone else. Notice I don't say, "should have." They already have them. They were born with them but as of this day many of us have chosen not to recognize them.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Kind of Embarassed

I watched the AFL/CIO Democratic debate tonight and felt like a total dingus as a Chicagoan. People were shouting out only when they thought or knew they were on camera. They were standing up behind Keith Olberman and those asking questions to do their "I'm on TV" dance and hooting any time they were within earshot of a mic.

What a bunch of pathetic losers the AFL/CIO is if they put total numb-nuts and dumb-asses in the best seats. A bunch of schmoes who stand up and show their T-shirts every time they try to get a reaction shot from Jesse Jackson are not the folks I would have represent me. Were they tailgating all day? What a mess. I am insulted as a Democrat. I am not surprised as a one time union member.

I was always disappointed by my union brothers when it came to being civilized. I got my car hit with a brick after I left a meeting on the union's behalf by a union member. He shouted the word, "SCAB/Nigger!", as he lobbed it at my car. I was union, white and not a racist so I was extra pissed off when I got out and went after that asshole. Fuck the union! You put a dent in my hood! OK, now I'm just venting.

In any case, I was disappointed in the debate. Even though the field has been narrowed to 7, we cannot have a real debate just yet since everyone is bound by timing and responses if they are brought to task. A few times there were statements where someone had a deep and meaningful point but the audience did not get it. When O'Bama re-questioned Clinton about commenting on foreign policy, she basically said that a president doesn't tell the American public what is going on. There was a brief boo and then it kept going.

Later, it got more odd. Seeing as they had an immediate audience that was more concerned with getting their T-Shirt on TV, the folks who asked questions from the audience were rarely treated like people by the panel. Joe Biden seemed especially angry in returning a certain question. He decided to answer a previous question and really pissed off the lady from the AFL/CIO who had recently lost a loved one. He seemed angry for almost the rest of the debate until he tried to use his one word answer again to lighten the mood.

After the whole thing was done, I got the feeling that Clinton and Dodd had made a pact. That ticket is probably in the works. Obama was a little too descriptive of his position. He should have kept it short and sweet. He is the man for change. Being verbose and boring is going to lose voters.

Kucinich made me happy. He made me think of all the liberals like myself who have married women too hot for them. He reminded me of my ideal and cynical self at the same time. He kicked ass with every person there who doesn't vote. It pisses me off that voting for him might lead to a Hillary nomination.

Uhhh.. Yea. I don't think she can win in the general election. Do I have to push an Obama/Kucinich bill to be totally isolated? Fuck.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Infrastructure and Shit

Let me first say that I deeply sympathize with the friends and families of those who were lost in the recent bridge collapse in Minneapolis. I hope that they can take some comfort knowing that the country is thinking of them and wishing them well. That said, I am glad it happened.

Sometimes it takes a tragedy to focus on a problem that we would otherwise ignore. We needed a wake up call to focus on a huge problem. Our current president has decreased taxes and cut funding to every program except the war in Iraq for the past 61/2 years. That means ignoring the federal government's obligation to maintain the national highway system. Some intrastate roadways here in Illinois have been under a constant state of repair since I was born. Route 80 ran right by the small town I grew up in and I have never had a trip on it in my life where I didn't see some sort of repairs going on. These repairs are generally paid for by the state and so the standard for how the roads are engineered fall to the states that dump money into repairing these roadways. As such, their have been lots of mistakes and underfunding of these projects for decades. I think that creating a national infrastructure commission that would direct the efforts of the states (if not take the helm and the responsibility of maintaining national roadways from states) that would be paid for by a national tax on gasoline is in order.

As unpopular as it sounds, America needs to start facing the fact that we need to pay for the things we have and want. We cannot keep cutting taxes and expect the bridges, dams, canals and other public facilities to hold up forever. It's just not practical. Americans are so afraid of taxes that they fail to think of the massive benefits we can reap from public works projects. FDR's public works programs employed hundreds of thousands while repairing our economy. History tells us that with sacrifice comes great rewards. Our country has forgotten that to a great degree.

Why do we walk down the street and see something broken and ask, "Why doesn't somebody fix that?" Then we walk on down past the plastic bags blowing through the streets and let our dogs shit in our neighbors yards. We should be asking ourselves, "What can I do to fix this?" I try to do something for my neighborhood whenever I can and I think that all of us together can do something great for this country if we just took responsibility for it. Let's stop waiting for someone else to fix everything and get our fat asses back on track.