Monday, July 02, 2007

A Total Piece of Ship

I was doing laundry and cleaning the house yesterday and had the TV going for no particular reason. I flipped through the channels for something to keep me company while I did my chores and settled on a showing of Titanic. I had never seen it before and thought that since everyone else in the world has given it a chance I should too.

I was preoccupied during much of the flick but I saw enough to know that this may have been the biggest load of poop ever to be flung upon the silver screen. Maybe I am just too cynical but it seemed to me that every single scene and line were so ham fisted and cloyingly saccharine that I felt like gouging the eyes out of every character in the film. I continued to watch to the bitter end just in case it would somehow redeem itself but it never did. With every passing second an avalanche of suburban housewife schlock gained more and more momentum. By the end, I thought the Ewoks would climb aboard the ship and announce that we were all invited to a party at Oprah's house and would ride there on unicorns.

I should have known to turn it off the second I saw Billy Zane's name appear in the opening credits.

Later, I watched Last King Of Scotland and felt a lot better.


Winter said...

I've been wanting to see that movie..

Of course I mean The Last King of Scotland, I've seen the other one, and yes it may well be in the 500 range.

Natalie said...

I loved both movies. I realize that Titanic is crap. Don't hate me.

thirdworstpoetinthegalaxy said...

I'm soooo glad to read you didn't care for Titanic. I despised it with a passion and spent much of the film laughing.

And I mean, c'mon, give the guy a freakin' spot on your floating devise, lady.

On a semi-related note, my first celebrity citing was Billy Zane at the Art Institute. The lady at the museum store was so excited, I was amazed she even managed to complete his transaction.