Thursday, May 24, 2007

All Hail The Secret!!!

I was reading the latest copy of The Nation on my way to work today (no, I'm not a communist) and there was an article about the most innovative self improvement book since How to Make Friends and Influence People; The Secret.

For those of you who don't know what the secret is, here's a brief synopsis. If you imagine something to be true hard enough, it will become fact. If I focus very hard on (I wrote "hard on") making gobs* of money, I will make gobs of money. That makes perfect sense doesn't it? The Secret's infallible logic will set you free and make all your dreams come true.

Most of you know all the basic stuff about The Secret because Oprah loves it. What you might not know is that The Secret also brings back the best parts of the EST (which evolved into the present Landmark Education) movement that made everybody perfect in the 70's and early 80's. What parts are those you ask? No matter what someone tells you about The Secret you should not pay attention to them. Got a skeptical spouse? Leave him/her because they are just an anchor around your neck. Your dreams aren't coming true? It's because there is something wrong with you. You aren't trying hard enough. You aren't positive enough. You don't believe enough.

What about all the bad stuff that happens to people all over the world? They haven't gotten The Secret yet. Katrina? No Secret. Tsunami? No secret. Little girl in Florida buried alive by a sex predator? Looks like someone didn't learn her Secret very well.

So keep smiling, America! You are truly wonderful beautiful people.**

*1 gob = $1 zillion
** So long as you have The Secret.


Winter said...

Holy mother of God.

I agree completely.

thirdworstpoetinthegalaxy said...

So watching that video, I realized I'm pretty much ruined.

I wholly expected an asteroid to come screaming down from outerspace, plummeting full-speed towards earth, wrecking havoc on the hummingbird, the cliff divers, etc.

Looks like I need in on "The Secret."

PS - Familiar with

Natalie said...

I don't understand how people actually expect this to work. It is insane. Then again, if I feel this way, I will never get the things I want. Damn the secret.

Michael K said...

Winter: Thank you for concurring.

3rd: I ahd seen their posters before but never knew they had all this content. Very funny.

Natalie: Careful. The Secret is listening.