Monday, June 18, 2007

An Urgent Plea To The Chicago Department Transportation


To whom it may concern,

I ride my bike to work every day (weather permitting) in an effort reduce my carbon footprint as well as my beach sand ass-print. We have a lot of different bike routes in the city that I am really happy to have. I can generally plan a reasonably safe route from where I live to just about any destination in the city. In many cases there is even a designated bike path. I am truly proud to live in a city that encourages such green commuting.

Having said all that, I do have one very urgent complaint that I hope can be addressed soon. On my way home from work there is a strip of southeast bound Milwaukee Ave. that has a shoulder so rough that navigating it requires the use of a cup. I'm serious. Between Lawrence and Irving Park my boys really take a beating. Some days I wish I was a eunuch. Riding a bull would be a cake walk in comparison. I don't know if this kind of abuse can make you sterile or not but I am pretty sure that it can scramble my eggs enough to produce a few short bus riders if you get my drift. Please, if not for my sake,for the sake of my future children, address this problem immediately.

Sincerely,

Michael K

5 comments:

thirdworstpoetinthegalaxy said...

In regards to bike paths, my beef is primarily with the people who double park in them.

But I've seen patches like what you're talking about. And, trust me, you don't need to have family jewels for that ride to be uncomfortable.

Though I'm sure they certainly make the situation worse...

Do you ride past Super Dawg on Milwaukee? The creepy cave "dawg" should more than compensate for your troubles.

Michael K said...

I love Superdawg but I don't make it quite that far north. I get off Milwaukee at Foster.

thirdworstpoetinthegalaxy said...

Interesting. I guess I just didn't realize there were bike paths connecting Schaumburg (where I believe you mentioned you lived) to the city. I had this terrible image of you swerving in and out of traffic on I-90.

Not that I'm trying to pinpoint your location. I'm already stalking so many other people, I'm not sure I can add another to the list.

Just kidding.

(There's always room for more)

Michael K said...

Schaumburg?! I am insulted. I am a city person. When I get pissed at tourists I yell, "Go back to Schaumburg, asshole!"

Winter said...

I'm always amazed when I go to larger cities and see guys wearing ties riding a bike to work.

See we don't do that here.