Let's See If We Can Actually Prosecute The Little Worm

His recurring talking points that we'll give them all the information they want when really the White House provides nothing they have asked for and continue to claim they lost things then later that they don't have to turn them over because it is a case of executive privilege. Then they say, "OK you can talk to these folks but only in a sealed hearing with no transcripts and no oaths." And why are they doing it? Not to save their asses but rather to protect the power of the presidency for future administrations. Yeah, right.

Tony Snow said that, "...no one has laid a glove on him.", while referring to Alberto Gonzales. Well, Tony, get your man ready to get in the ring.



Everybody cross your fingers because if the Solicitor General, Paul Clement, does not feel compelled to appoint a special counsel, all will have been for nothing. other cases in which we have seen people perjure themselves will fall to Gonzales and his cronies who will certainly refuse to prosecute. Ultimately, I think we are looking at a conviction near the end of Bush's term followed by an immediate pardon.

Why Isn't This Fella In Jail Yet?

Just fucking charge him already. What the fuck are we waiting for? Oh, wait. I forgot that no one will actually be able to prosecute anyone since the entire justice department is in the president's pocket. Fucking fuck.

Ya Know... There's A War Going On

So can we get serious for a moment? We are trying to narrow the field for our next president and here they are fielding questions from snowmen and 2 guys pretending to be hillbillies. This was pure entertainment and bad entertainment at that. I would have been better served by watching cartoons all night. Pathetic.

Attention Nerds!

HARRY POTTER IS NOT A REAL PERSON! HE CANNOT DIE! NEITHER CAN ANYONE ELSE IN THE BOOK! YOU CAN! STOP WASTING YOUR LIFE WAITING IN LINES! GO FIND SOMEONE TO LOVE AND WAIT TIL MONDAY TO BUY THE DAMN BOOK! IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT FOR PETE'S SAKE!

Mitt Romney Loves Pedophiles

Senator Obama recently spoke to a Planned Parenthood crowd about his view that children should be educated about good and bad touching to help avoid predatory sexual advances by pedophiles. Mitt seems to think this is a bad idea. A few years back he had a very similar view to Barack. But now he's pandering to the right instead of the rather moderate people of Mass. As he embraces the right he also embraces the hands off type of governing that encourages the style of hands on child care that NAMBLA supports.

Duh.

I've had a few embarassing moments since moving to my new floor. The first was yesterday morning after going to the bathroom. I finished my business and walked to the sink. I waved my hands in front of the motion sensitive faucet and waited for the water to come out. Nothing. I waved some more. Still no water. I started mumbling curses. That's when the guy behind me chimed in:

Guy: It's not automatic.

Me: (realizing there are knobs on the faucet) Oh. The one on my old floor was.

Guy: Well, this one isn't.

Fucking guy! What a jerk.

The next thing was towards the end of the day. I was waiting for the elevator to go down to 3 to get a Diet Dr. Pepper. It's my favorite soda but they don't have it in the machines on 9. While waiting I see a guy come out of the women's bathroom. "Was the men's room full or something?", I say. I got almost to the end of my statement before I realized I was talking to a woman who just really looked like a guy. She just looked at me. I stared at the elevator. She also waited for the elevator. A few more seconds passed and I patted my pockets and whispered, "Shit! Forgot my wallet.", and walked back to my desk. There was no f'n way I was riding on that elevator.

This Post Is Not A Jinx

Stephen Hawking's editor for A Brief History of Time warned him that for every equation in the book the readership will be halved. I believe the same equation is true for baseball posts on blogs. Seeing as I have already mentioned an equation and am about to blog a little about baseball, my readership should be somewhere around .125 by the time all the math is done. Shit! I just mentioned math again.

I have just begun getting excited about the Cubs again. They have been playing great lately. The young guys and old timers have really become a joy to watch. The pitching staff seems to have their shit together and the offense has really exploded since Lou exploded and got suspended for, well, being Lou. Anyways, I am pretty happy watching them play. I have a few worries though.

The last time I got all worked up about the boys in blue, I got blind sided by the Fish. You see, I (like many other Cubs fans) don't pay attention to any team outside of the NL Central. To be honest, I often don't pay attention to anything but who's on the Cubs schedule this week. I think that this comes from a long history of being disappointed by the big picture. It's easier to just focus on today's game (maybe just the current inning) and be happy if we do good today. Ignorance is bliss. This year I have tried to not do that and so, although I am confident we can win our division and maybe even the pennant, when I look out east and sea the kind of numbers being put up by Boston or just north to Milwaukee I get worried.

I'm in sales and like baseball it's a numbers racket. No one in the NL is playing .600 ball yet and may not. Some may say that you can't rely on that because of the strngth of divisions and all that. That can't be true for every division though. It just doesn't make sense.

Can someone who knows more about baseball than I do please convince me I am totally retarded and the Cubs are going to go all the way? I'd really appreciate it. In the meantime I am going to be grinning on one of the rooftops on Monday night but I'll have a helmet on.

I almost forgot. If Bonds jacks one far enough for me to catch it on Monday, I am going to throw that shit back. I don't care how much that ball is worth.

There's This Lady...

On my new floor here at work the lady in reception has a bunch of pictures of her kid at her desk. It is the ugliest baby I have ever seen. I think this might have something to do with the fact that she is very unpleasant.

Office Spaces

I got moved today. My whole group was moved from the 3rd floor to the 9th. I am now unable to walk the stairs to my office even if I wanted to. The doors only open to the stairwell on my floor. As a person who rides his bike to work often and am sometimes very sweaty, it will mean lots of odd looks from my new elevator buddies. Also, there is always a line of people waiting for the elevator each morning that I have been referring to as "elevator cows" since I started working there. They probably know this and can't wait to kill me.

I also made lots of friends on the 3rd floor. We talked today like we'd still email each other all the time and see each other at the El but I think that is just wishful thinking. I mean, I am going to be on 9! How am I going to be able to see you getting ready to go? Are you going to come up to 9 and ask, "Hey buddy, you ready to go?" I don't think so. Yer gonna start doing that with the guy that took my desk. That short,smelly,dorky asshole doesn't deserve you. Did he bring the 3rd floor doughnuts 3 times in the last six months? NO! He didn't! AND HE NEVER WILL! Sorry, I am a little upset. Excuse me for a sec.

K.

I'm back.

The worst part is that the 9th is a total sausage festival. I used to be surrounded by beautiful ladies (see "Compliments To Sunscreen") and now it's all dudes. Sad, sad, sad.

Company Picnic

I got PAID to fuck off and eat hot dogs today. We had a bunch of inflatable attractions and a pie eating contest and everything. My employer goes all out for work parties. In the Love/Hate relationship I have with my job, the love was in full force today.

You Should Go Buy This Book Cuz I Said So

If you don't believe me you can check out a little of it at theirwebsite.

Compliments To Sunscreen

I ride my bike to work most days and in an effort to reduce the appearance of a deep and intense farmers tan, I started putting sunscreen on my arms and face before I leave the house each morning. It is working great so far. My neck is not blood red and my nose does not resemble a red onion with its skin flaking off.

Another benefit is that there are a lot of ladies out there who really like the smell of sun tan lotion. I get compliments all day long. "You smell great." "You smell like the beach." "Somebody over here smells like summertime." I thank them all and explain why I am wearing tanning lotion in the office. This often leads to conversations about biking and that's a bonus too. Getting compliments at work is nice.

Privileged Executives

Fielding announced in letters sent to Leahy and Conyers today that he (on behalf of the president) has instructed the lawyers of former aides Harriet Myers and Sara Taylor not to testify before the Senate Judiciary Committee. In the letter he reiterated the president's lame argument, “assertion of executive privilege here is intended to protect a fundamental interest of the presidency: the necessity that a president receive candid advice from his advisers and that those advisers be able to communicate freely and openly with the president, and each other and with others inside and outside the executive branch.” How can their testimony possibly inhibit their ability to "communicate freely and openly" when they are no longer his aides? The "inside and outside of the executive branch" part is a joke too since the administration has never allowed anyone to communicate freely outside the doors of the White House.

Conyers later commented on the refusal of the White House to present a decent explanation by stating, “Contrary to what the White House may believe, it is the Congress and the courts that will decide whether an invocation of executive privilege is valid, not the White House unilaterally.” That's good stuff, John.

So There's This Guy...

He sits next to me at work and I am thinking of killing him. I have no idea why but he has decided that I am his best friend. I have done nothing to encourage this behavior. He annoys me endlessly. He is always coming up behind me and reading whatever I might be typing at that moment. If I am reading email, “Hey. Whatcha readin’?” Watching the You Tubes, “Hey. Whatcha watchin’?” I never know when he is going to be hovering over my shoulder. I have jokingly scolded him for it a number of times but he just doesn’t get the hint. It’s either murder or quitting and I got bills to pay folks. Things aren’t looking good for this idiot.

I Scream. You Scream. We All Scream, "Sex Offender!"

This fella is the latest of a string of stories I have picked up on this summer chronicling sex offender ice cream truck operators. I think Steve Buscemi showed us that creepy dudes and ice cream don't make a very good pairing back in '96 with his role in Trees Lounge. 11 years later and these things keep happening.

Aide-ing And Abetting

GW decided to commute the sentence of Scooter Libby which makes months of thinking of dirty prison jokes a complete waste of my time and energy. I literally had a pun filled post ready to go for the day he reported to prison. I must have spent at least 5 minutes on it. G-Bushy owes me 5 minutes of life. I am sure he will honor his debt but not until I am writhing in pain on my death bed wishing they would pull the plug on me.

After having a few days to take it all in I decided to revisit and edit this post. I think I gave the Bush administration a little too much credit on doing something based on character and loyalty earlier. Turns out that this all just more calculated politics.

I failed to think a few steps ahead. I didn't think about who would benefit from this move aside from Libby. I had forgotten about Plame's civil case and that makes all the difference. You see, Bush didn't pardon the man because that would mean he wouldn't have to appeal his case. If he isn't cought up in an appeal he has no grounds to plead the 5th in Valerie's civil trial. GW left the door open to possibly pardon him later on. I am pretty sure we all know that pardon is contingent on Libby keeping his mouth closed tight until sometime near the end of '08.

I Didn't Want To Go To Your Stupid Party Anyway!

A certain blogger has decided to make their blog invitation only. Seems that my invitation was lost or something. I am sure this was just a simple oversight. I'll just sit here and stare at my inbox til I get it.

A Total Piece of Ship

I was doing laundry and cleaning the house yesterday and had the TV going for no particular reason. I flipped through the channels for something to keep me company while I did my chores and settled on a showing of Titanic. I had never seen it before and thought that since everyone else in the world has given it a chance I should too.

I was preoccupied during much of the flick but I saw enough to know that this may have been the biggest load of poop ever to be flung upon the silver screen. Maybe I am just too cynical but it seemed to me that every single scene and line were so ham fisted and cloyingly saccharine that I felt like gouging the eyes out of every character in the film. I continued to watch to the bitter end just in case it would somehow redeem itself but it never did. With every passing second an avalanche of suburban housewife schlock gained more and more momentum. By the end, I thought the Ewoks would climb aboard the ship and announce that we were all invited to a party at Oprah's house and would ride there on unicorns.

I should have known to turn it off the second I saw Billy Zane's name appear in the opening credits.

Later, I watched Last King Of Scotland and felt a lot better.

The Cheney Of Command

*

The VP and his lawyers have recently decided (I thought that was G-Bushy's job) that he is not part of the Executive Branch of governement and therefor does not have to abide by the same executive secrecy rules that the President does. This is a pretty huge flip-flop as he has been protected in the past claiming executive privelege. The Energy Task Force is one great example. Many folks believe he basically let his oil industry cronies write policy.

Rahm Emanuel has made the argument that if the office of the VP is part of the legislative branch then its funding should be controlled by the purstrings of congress. If his argument holds true he intends to defund the VP's office. I think it is very clever however unlikely.

A more realistic advantage of the the Veep's office being part of the Legislative branch would mean that he could thoretically be brought up on Senatorial ethics charges. It's basically a fucked/fucked situation for Cheney but I believe it is the intention of his office to keep this whole mess in the courts until the curtain closes on this administration.

*Taken from a children's website on the basic structure of our system of government.

Pants Suit

A judge ruled in favor of the owners of Custom Cleaners. Roy L. Pearson, an administrative law judge, originally sought $67 million from the Chungs, claiming they lost a pair of suit trousers and later tried to give him a pair that he said was not his. He later reduced his claim to $54 million. What a saint.

As happy as I am for the Chung family that owns the business, I am worried about the ramifications this will have on my current $3 trillion lawsuit against Clorox for ruining a chambray shirt I’ve had since 1993. 14 years down the drain. It was like a member of my family died when I saw that bleach stain.

Shit You Don't Need

I eyed this product on the tube this morning in the break room at work.



It's called The Perfect Pushup and you might want to consider buying one if you have ever looked at your floor and thought, "You know what this floor needs? Handles!"

CIA Reports

We've all heard (and probably used) the phrase, "I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you." Apparently, the CIA has decided that they no longer need to kill us and are just gonna tell us. Read all about it here.

You Gotta be Shitting Me (Again)

So let me get this straight... Karen Stevens, Tovah Calderon and Teresa Kwong all had good performance ratings as career attorneys at Justice. They were all minority women. So it just makes perfect sense that they were replaced by a bunch of white people. I mean, just because they worked for the civil rights division doesn't mean that the people responsible for letting them go would stop to think that it might be a violation of their civil rights or anything.

This is just the latest in a string of "you must be fucking kidding me" moments to come out of the DoJ in recent months. Schumer and Leahy are gonna take turns ass punding this Schlozman fella. This guy is such a dumbass. He probably would have gotten away with it if he hadn't felt the need to brag about it. He bragged that he did it to "make room for some good Americans." Apparently, good = white Republicans.

An Urgent Plea To The Chicago Department Transportation

To whom it may concern,

I ride my bike to work every day (weather permitting) in an effort reduce my carbon footprint as well as my beach sand ass-print. We have a lot of different bike routes in the city that I am really happy to have. I can generally plan a reasonably safe route from where I live to just about any destination in the city. In many cases there is even a designated bike path. I am truly proud to live in a city that encourages such green commuting.

Having said all that, I do have one very urgent complaint that I hope can be addressed soon. On my way home from work there is a strip of southeast bound Milwaukee Ave. that has a shoulder so rough that navigating it requires the use of a cup. I'm serious. Between Lawrence and Irving Park my boys really take a beating. Some days I wish I was a eunuch. Riding a bull would be a cake walk in comparison. I don't know if this kind of abuse can make you sterile or not but I am pretty sure that it can scramble my eggs enough to produce a few short bus riders if you get my drift. Please, if not for my sake,for the sake of my future children, address this problem immediately.

Sincerely,

Michael K

Oh, No!

I have been riding my bike to work again lately. It's about 14 or 15 miles each way. In the morning it's not too bad but in the heat of the late afternoon I perspire quite heavily. As such, I found myself fantasizing of a big pitcher of green (yes, green is a flavor)Kool Aid on my home yesterday in the near 90 degree heat. By the time I got back to my neighborhood I was jonesing for a sweet, vitamin C fortified fix.

I locked up my bike and headed over to the little Mexican grocery around the corner. Up and down the aisles I went. In the soda aisle? Nope. Maybe it's by the sugar. Nope. By the coffee and tea? The dehydrated foods? By the Juices? Nope, nope and nope. I head on over to the counter...

Counter Lady: Can I help you?

Me: Where do you keep the Kool Aid?

Counter lady: Hold on. (she turns and shouts to a guy in produce) Pedro! Pedro!

Pedro: Que?

Counter Lady: Spanish spanish spanish spanish spanish.

Pedro: Spanish spanish spanish spanish spanish.

Counter lady: (to me) No. We don't carry it.

Me: Really? No Kool Aid, no Flavr-Aid, no Wyler's?

Counter lady: Sorry.

I was outraged. I have been surprised in the past by some of the items this store doesn't carry but not having Kool Aid just doesn't make sense. I live in a relatively low income/ethnic neighborhood and nobody loves themselves some Kool Aid like poor people. I have vowed never to darken their doorway again.

I walked across the street to the little convenience store and they had Kool Aid. I got enough to make a gallon of the green stuff.

I hurried home with my treasure and mixed up a big batch and served over ice. The first glass was delicious. The second was almost as good. The glass I poured to go with my big dinner salad went largley untouched. Ya know, a gallon of Kool Aid is a lot for one person.

So Long Mr. Wizard

As a total nerd, I watched Mr. Wizard's show every chance I got. I even recreated several of the experiments (some even successfully) in my garage and basement. After one rather smelly chemical reaction made the house stink like a rotting corpse for days, I was grounded for 2 weeks.

I owe a great deal of my reclusive manner in school and general awkward way with women to Don Herbert and his ilk but how can you hold a grudge against a guy who scared the piss out of an even more awkward kid each week on his show? Here's to you, Mr. Wizard.

WTTW, Your Window To Some Bullshit Suze Orman Crap

I love PBS. I love the cooking shows on weekends. I love Frontline and Nova on Tuesday nights. I love The McLaughlin Group, The News Hour, Chicago Tonight and a whole mess of other programming. I donate when these shows are on because that is why I watch. So why the fuck do they put on all these stupid fucking self improvement programs and terrible concerts by some of the lamest performers ever during the pledge drive? Do they think that by driving away their core viewership and attracting people who like crap that they can make more money?

Suze Orman scares me. I mean, look at her. I think she wants to eat my brains. And who the fuck is going to take financial advice from a woman who would buy a shirt like that?

Czar Wars

I am actually pretty impressed with this Lute guy. He is finally telling it like it is. He even agreed that we should start pulling troops out since the current situation is creating a cycle of dependence on US support. Sadly, he doesn't really have any clout on his own. He cannot direct the actions of the military directly but rather is there to coordinate the activities of the executive branch.

There is the possibility that with Pace leaving after September(effectively ending the Rumsfeld era) that significant changes in the chain of command could be brought to pass. If not staffing changes, certainly we can expect operational changes. The guy they are going to tap to replace Pace is Admiral Michael Mullen, Chief of US Naval Operations. As someone who served in the USN, I can say that more so than any other branch of the military the Navy is focused on coordinating efforts and excel at it. Anytime we had joint operations during my service, the Navy was directing operational and tactical for all branches involved. This is due heavily to the Navy being more of a technology driven operation than personnel driven. They are always looking to reduce dependence on people to handle military actions.

I am looking forward to changes and am actually slightly optimistic that although there will never be an ideal solution, an acceptable compromise might be on the horizon. Then again the whole fucking place might just end up in the cross hairs of a bunch of the Navy's nuclear subs. ICBM, Iraq Can Be Mastered.

Cheney Shafts Scooter Again

When Scooter Libby's trial lawyer chose to read a letter calling for leniency in his clients sentencing, he might have considered the author first. Considering recent events, a letter from Paul Wolfowitz that endorses your good character is maybe not such a good choice. Maybe he should have read the letter from Rumsfeld? I am sure that was a real tear jerker. Henry "Love Machine" Kissinger also authored a letter on his behalf. The cynic in me says that this is just the thank you he gets for taking one for the team.

They released over 150 letters of support after the sentencing yesterday. That might be a little surprising but the biggest shocker is that the boss he took a dive for didn't bother to send a letter from his office to supprt him. Dick Cheney has done nothing to make me think he is a nice guy but this is a huge snub from an administration that prides itself so much on rewarding loyalty. If I were Scooter, I'd get on the phone with Fitzgerald and start spilling the beans on that son of a bitch right now looking for a reduced sentence. If he thought the Veep's office fucked him hard just wait til the boys on the cell block find out there's a guy named Scooter around.

Salting The Wounds

I had kind of a bad weekend in the debilitating pain department. It started off pretty normal but things turned sour after Saturday morning.

I met some friends out for lunch on Saturday at The Pontiac and we decided to sit outside. It was fairly overcast so the fact that I had no sunscreen on didn't even cross my mind. When we left 3 hours later, I was feeling kind of toasty. By 5 that evening the lobster red had set in and my nose had already started peeling.

The sunburn sucks but I wasn't satisfied with that. I needed some serious deep tissue damage. What better way to do that than hurtling yourself over the handlebars of your bike at high speed and slamming into a fucking oak tree? I can't think of a better way so that's what I did while trying to avoid a car that cut me off when they pulled into the bike lane directly in front of me. I think I cracked a rib or two; my left forearm feels like its broken and my shoulder is so black and blue that it looks necrotic. Throw in some really nice scratches and knuckle abrasions and you can just imagine how attractive I look and feel today.

But wait! I'm still not finished punishing myself. I have a 4 hour dentist appointment this afternoon. That's right! 4 fucking hours of pure bliss. I am thrilled.

Finally, I got an email this morning from my boss letting me know that I am being rewarded for my team's great performance by being sent to this. Fuck.

Enough With The Bugs Already

A transcript from ABC News:

Charlie: Well, Diane it appears that another 17 years have gone by and the cicadas are emerging from the ground once again in swarms across the mid-west.

Diane: That's right, Charlie and what better way to celebrate the occasion than by chowing down on some of those bad boys!

Charlie: What a fabulous idea. How do you like yours prepared?

Diane: Oh, no! I'm not eating that shit but I bet we can find a few struggling newbies to gulp down a bunch of those fucks.

Charlie: You are so right. Let's go now to the poor bastard in Illinois we found to tell everybody they taste like chicken or asparagus or some shit like that.

Well, maybe it didn't go exactly like that on camera but behind the scenes I'm pretty sure that's how it went down.



Let's get back to some real news now. OK?

Something Fishy

I got home yesterday to find this sticker on my front door: I was a little skeptical of this statement especially considering the source (PETA) so I decided to do a little research and here are my findings:

Supporting Evidence:

• None

Contrary Evidence:

• Where were the fish when I needed help moving? Under water somewhere.
• Fish are delicious.
• Fish are full of omega 3 fatty acids.
• Fish eat other fish. They are even food for themselves!

Conclusions:

• Fish make really shitty friends.
• Fish are not only food but really good food.
• Dirty hippies love stickers.

All Hail The Secret!!!

I was reading the latest copy of The Nation on my way to work today (no, I'm not a communist) and there was an article about the most innovative self improvement book since How to Make Friends and Influence People; The Secret.

For those of you who don't know what the secret is, here's a brief synopsis. If you imagine something to be true hard enough, it will become fact. If I focus very hard on (I wrote "hard on") making gobs* of money, I will make gobs of money. That makes perfect sense doesn't it? The Secret's infallible logic will set you free and make all your dreams come true.

Most of you know all the basic stuff about The Secret because Oprah loves it. What you might not know is that The Secret also brings back the best parts of the EST (which evolved into the present Landmark Education) movement that made everybody perfect in the 70's and early 80's. What parts are those you ask? No matter what someone tells you about The Secret you should not pay attention to them. Got a skeptical spouse? Leave him/her because they are just an anchor around your neck. Your dreams aren't coming true? It's because there is something wrong with you. You aren't trying hard enough. You aren't positive enough. You don't believe enough.

What about all the bad stuff that happens to people all over the world? They haven't gotten The Secret yet. Katrina? No Secret. Tsunami? No secret. Little girl in Florida buried alive by a sex predator? Looks like someone didn't learn her Secret very well.

So keep smiling, America! You are truly wonderful beautiful people.**

*1 gob = $1 zillion
** So long as you have The Secret.

Jump Shot

A friend of mine at work came in this morning with a nasty scratch under his eye. He explained that he had gotten it playing basketball in Emmerson Park last night. The scratch led to a little pushing when one of the guys on his team got involved. Apparently, there were pre-existing tensions between other players that he and his friend were not aware of when they joined the game. A large fight broke out that went on for close to half an hour. My coworker and his pal had distanced themselves from the brawl. In the end, a gun was drawn and all involved dispersed into the neighborhood.

My co-worker and his friend were the only people remaining when the police finally showed up. He told his story and gave descriptions as best he could. The police accused my buddy of starting it since he had a cut under his eye. After a while they left rather disgusted by the police response.

Considering the "Don't Snitch" policy of many of the residents of this neighborhood, you'd think the police would be very happy to have a couple of guys that were willing to talk to them.

Allow Me To Be Fully Candid

From the AP: The Justice Department's former White House liaison denied Wednesday that she played a major role in the firings of U.S. attorneys last year and blamed Deputy Attorney General Paul McNulty for misleading Congress about the dismissals.

McNulty's explanation, on Feb. 6, "was incomplete or inaccurate in a number of respects," Monica Goodling told a packed House Judiciary Committee inquiry into the firings.

She added: "I believe the deputy was not fully candid."

Can we stop using terms like "not fully candid", "misleading statements" and "incomplete or inaccurate"? These motherfuckers are lying. McNulrty lied to congress. He committed purjury. Alberto Gonzales also lied to congress. He committed purjury. Why do people lie to congress? Because they probably did something illegal that they cannot recall. What is it? We may never know because they keep lying and for some reason we have yet to call them on it.

I am hoping that Godling dishes with the facts at some point since she has been given some protection from prosecution in exchange for her testimony. I am hoping but I kind of doubt it.

Also, when will Washington learn that having girls named Monica involved in politics is a recipe for disaster?

There's No Such A Thing As A Free Meal

I went out last week with a few people from work for dinner. I don't go out much as I am trying to save money so that I can buy a condo again next year. I hate renting.

Anyways, we were out and I ordered a few things and I think I spent way too much money considering the strict budget I have put myself on. I spent as much on myself as you would expect to pay for 3 people in an average restaurant. The food was fantastic but I felt guilty for the indulgence later.

I was going over my account on line today and realized that the charge for my dinner has yet to post to my account. I would expect a few days delay over a weekend but it's been over a week and still nothing. I called my friends and asked if they had been charged with my tab. They said no but that their bills had posted to their accounts. One person even uses the same bank I do.

I feel kind of guilty getting something for nothing even if I know the place we went to makes money hand over fist but still. I always worry that some poor waiter got stiffed cuz they fucked up the paperwork or that somebody else was charged for my meal. So even though I am making out at the bank, I am paying with my conscience. Stupid conscience.

Newt-ered Logic

A newt is a slimy little creature that secretes toxins from its skin. Newt Gingrich is a slimy little creature who secretes bullshit from his mouth. On Meet the Press today he repeatedly tried to make direct comparisons between the Iraq War and the American Revolution. If you'd like to watch this total load of shit check it out here.

Beautiful

Some beautiful noise for your weekend. Lay in the sun and smile while you enjoy the musical comforts of Blonde Redhead.

Wolfo-quitz

Bye-bye, Paulie. It was nice beating up on you but now you have to go. How is it that I have not found time to blog about your sorry ass more often? I mean, you were a grossly incompetent manager. Hell, in the Washington Post's article today, a friend of yours acknowledged that you were a smart guy but that you, "Couldn't run a 2 car funeral." That's your buddy saying that. You must have been a really serious fuck up and I missed out on some great blogging opportunites. Oh well. C'est la vie.

Maybe the reason I overlooked such a golden opportunity is that I spent too much time focusing on yer buddy over at the DoJ. He's way more inept at his job than you are. That is if you believe that he was hired to run the Justice Department in a fair and balanced matter and not to politicize the office to the point that it is a mockery. If you believe he was appointed to be a toadie for the White House, then he is doing a great job.

The real smack in the nuts is that this guy isn't going anywhere. If the Bush administration thought they had problems with Gonzo running things, just let Chuck Shumer and company decide who gets the office next. You think the Senate Judiciary Committee is putting the screws to the administration now? Just let Alberto resign and see what happens. Even if a special prosecutor is assigned to bring criminal charges against him, they'll keep the case in the courts til Bush's term ends.

Potluck Day

It's potluck day today at work. It's a day to get together and break bread with your coworkers. A day to get to know the folks in distant cubicles. A day to lie about how much you like Janine's potato salad and that Steve's corn dog bites aren't dry and hard at all. But most of all it is a day to let your hair down and tell stories about your boyfriend passing out drunk with his pants down and sporting a woody.

You see, there is a girl here who can't seem to stop saying and doing inappropriate things around the office. Since I have been here, she has had several mishaps. Here is a short list:

• Got wasted at last company get together and decided it would be funny to grab everybody's asses.
• Threw up outside above event on a very crowded street.
• Accidentally sent an email to everyone in the department asking if she could borrow a tampon.
• A picture of her flashing some guy at a bar was circulated throughout the office.
• Called a client with the name Bonner "Mr. Boner" repeatedly until he corrected her on the pronunciation.

I am not a person who is offended by any of this but I feel bad for her cuz she is never going to get promoted as long as she is at this company. Poor girl.

Link Buddies

A while back a person at another blog (you know who you are) offered to link to anyone who linked to him. I have since seen it on a few other blogs and think it is a good way to network with people. If anyone wants me to link to their blog just do the same for me and leave a comment. Then we'll be BFF.*



*BFF sounds dirty.

Alberto Gonzales Thinks He Is A Ninja

The Attorney General is at it again. The most recent line of shit? McNulty did it. That's right, the guy who resigned yesterday for reasons that have nothing to do with the firings of 8 US Attorneys and the resulting political fallout, is the one to blame for the poor handling of the firings. Also, the announcement of McNulty being at fault coming the day after he announced his resignation is pure coincidence.

The only possible explanation for Alberto to think the American people would believe this latest insult to our collective intelligence is simple. He thinks he's a ninja. He believes he can just throw down a smoke bomb and disappear before he gets skewered by Arlen Spectre and Chuck Leahy.

Watch out for those throwing stars on CSPAN during the next Judiciary Committee meeting on the subject.

Iced Espresso Shakes

I had to run a few errands before I went to the gym yesterday and decided to grab a little treat for myself. I thought, "Hey you're going to the gym to work it off. What's the big fuckin' deal?" So I go to Panera (I know it's lame but it was right there) and I get my self this espresso ice cream shake thingy. Drink in hand I head on out to finish my errands.

I have been laying off the caffeine lately so by the time I got to the gym I was feeling a little edgy. Actually, I was feeling like a meth addict. I worked out for about an hour but was still feeling energetic by the time I got to my usual stopping point. I decided to keep going. A half hour on the bike, another chest and shoulder press exercise. Why not hit the lat machine again?

It was at this point that I started to recall a story a friend of mine tells about doing a bunch of coke in high school and then doing arm curls in his room for hours trying to work it out of his system. He describes his inability to put down his atrophied arms in the morning as "looking like a T-Rex." I decide I better give it up for the day.

I walked home from Lakeview to Logan Square, cleaned my house, went grocery shopping, did laundry and finally started to feel normal at about half way through 60 Minutes. I was really glad because listening to Andy Rooney while tweekin' is probably dangerous. Seriously, my head would friggin' explode.

The Grant Miller Interview

The Benevolent and Honourable Site Master at Grant Miller Media
has seen fit to interview yours truly. After recently accusing him of plagiarism, I was a little concerned with how it would go. Thankfully, he didn't put the screws to me too hard.

GM: You lived/worked in DeKalb and seem to know many the same people I know
from there. But I'm unsure we've ever met in real life. Have we and I'm
just an asshole for forgetting?

MoF: We have probably met but I was a bartender at the Annex and there is a good chance that one or both of us were drunk at the time. Your pic looks vaguely familiar but boozin' don't make for good face recognizin'.

GM: You once commented that your dad was a drummer. If so, did he still want
to work? Or did he prefer just banging on the drum all day?

MoF: Aside from banging on his drums, my dad worked on growing his hair and
moustache. I have often described my dad as looking just like Derek Smalls from Spinal Tap. He also did a lot of laundry for his six filthy kids.

GM: Your TV has only two channels. One channel is all politics all the time.
The other is just cooking shows. What do you do?

MoF: I am a sales manager (yeah, I know it's boring). I used to cook at a
fancy ass resturant but after I got divorced I realized that I was not
going to build any mansions on a chef's salary. I headed back to the
office to avoid living in a refrigerator box in the alley. Of course, it
would be a Sub Zero box and the alley would be behind Bloomingdale's. I
got standards.

GM: You live in Chicago. Is Chicago a great city or the greatest city and
why?

MoF: I like to think it is the greatest city because I am vain and refuse to
believe my choice to live here could be anything but pure genious. When
the wind comes clipping off the lake in the middle of January I question my judgement a little. Then I get home and chow on some hot pierogi I bought from the Polish market up the street from me and everything is all better.

GM: Why should people read your blog?

MoF: Because work is boring and sometimes I am not. Also, I never post pictures of kittens or hamsters and dumb shit like that. Take that www.hamstersphoto.com! You suck!

If you would like to be interviewed by me, let me know

Mother's Day Matters

An inner argument between myself and my cynical prick self.

Me: What should we get mom for Mother's Day? Flowers? Chocolates? A spa day?

Cynical Prick Me: Ugh! Do we have to go through this every year? Mother's Day is a Hallmark holiday. It's a marketing ploy.

Me: But it's a great day to honor our moms and all the sacrifices they made to raise us.

CPM: Sacrifices? Maybe if that woman would have sacrificed 50 cents for a condom every once in a while she wouldn't have squeezed out more kids than they could afford to raise and we could have gone to college without joining the military.

Me: That's pretty harsh. She worked hard to try and make our house a home. She tried to guide us and teach us as best she could under the circumstances.

CPM: Under the circumstances... More like "under the influence." I guess she did a pretty good job when she wasn't high or drunk.

Me: She was a young mother who was married to a musician. She made mistakes and has done a lot since to make up for it.

CPM: Whatever. I am sick of arguing. What do you want to get her?

Me: Let's send a Visa gift card so she can use it on whatever she wants.

CPM: Fine. But it's not going be more than $50 and I get to write something smart assed on the card.

Me: Deal.

ChapStink

My lips are all dried out from the wind due to all the cycling I have been doing lately and I left my Carmex at home. I went down to the little store we have in our lobby and bought some chapstick. I thought it was just plain but when I got back to my ofice and opened it up I realized it is vanilla scent. STRONG vanilla scented. Now everything I eat tastes like cookies. Stupid ChapStick.

Hasseling The Hoff

A lot of people have been giving David Hasselhoff a hard time lately because of a video leaked by his estranged wife showing him lying on the floor trying to eat a sandwich and doing a bad job of it. I feel kind of bad for the guy. This is a personal and private matter that is really noone's business. This tape wasn't meant to be public domain. He should not feel embarassed by it.

He SHOULD feel embarassed by this one:

That is infinitely worse.

The Queen is Fed

GW: We are going to have one hell of a shindig in your honor tonight, Your Highness.

Liz: But Mr. President, shouldn't you be talking to the generals after one of the bloodiest weekends yet in Iraq?

GW: Nah. You see we got this surge goin' over there and I just know that because I decided to do it, it will work. I got a personal relationship with the Lord and he talks through... uh... I mean to me.

Liz: Really there's no need to make such a fuss over me.

GW: Look, Queenie, any time an irrelevant figurehead monarch comes to town, I feel obligated to drop a few mil of taxpayer's money on a gala white tie dinner. Ya got me? It's no problem whatsoever. Now tell me, how'd ya like the horsey races?

Liz: I was very distracted and saddened by the news reports of the terrible storms that tore through Kansas. Don't you think you should be on the phone making sure FEMA doesn't turn this into another terrible gaff like New Orleans?

GW: Never happen. These are white people we're talkin' about. White Kansans. These people still think I am doin' a bang up job in Iraq. Things get rough, I go down there make a little speech. Culture of life this. Terry Schiavo that. Support the troops! That place is like one big yellow ribbon magnet.

Liz: Right, right. I've got a similar arrangement with doll collecting suburban American women.

GW: Let's party.

What's Cookin' Volume 3

The Look: I am pretty sure that this is Lidia's home kitchen or someone in her family. It is pretty tight in there and not at all what you'd expect from a set. The fact that she has her family on all the time (especially the kids) and they seem really comfortable and know where everything is adds to that assumption.

The Cast: Lidia is the main character but she is often joined by her almost impossibly old mother, Erminia, who speaks little English and adds to that rich Italian family experience. Her son, Joe, comes on quite a bit as a wine expert and her daughter Tanya who assists when they travel to Italy and need to add a few history lessons. Her daughter-in-law, Deanna and her kids also help out around the kitchen.

Lidia herself is a cooking powerhouse. Unlike a few other female cooking show hosts, Lidia is definitely not on TV because of her looks. Although she is incredibly charming, one look at this balding, bear pawed grandmother and you know she is there to take care of business. I imagine her whacking Joe with a spoon when he fucks up.

What's Cookin': It's hardcore Italian/Italian-American. This lady makes everything from every region. Her heaviest influences seem to come from Emilia Romagna but she also loves Rome and has done a few shows that focus on Puglia where her family vacations quite frequently.

She uses bold flavors although she pushes Grana Padano (I think you might as well be grating wax on your food) a lot more than I'd like as they are a sponsor of the show. Her food is rich but well balanced and she knows how to use a fresh element of the cooked element to introduce multiple levels to dishes.

The food is very approachable and Lidia makes me happy cuz she don't measure a friggin' thing.

Problems With The Show: Lidia's biggest crutch is that she uses the food processor a lot. I don't own a food processor as I am one of those people who think if you want it done right you do it by hand. I assume that a lot of folks out in TV land don't have one either. Not because they are food snobs like me but rather because those things are friggin' expensive. I'd rather she and many other cooks showed people how to do things by hand.

Why I Watch: When I watch the show, I see the motherly cooking mentor I never had. My mom can't cook for shit and my dad only cooked on the weekends and didn't let anyone in the kitchen while he was at it.

George Tenet Hates History

So Tenet was on Meet The Press this morning and I thought he came off a lot less convincing than he was on 60 minutes last week. I am wavering on how complicit he was in developing a false case for the war in Iraq. Today, instead of coming off as an indignant man claiming to be scapegoated, he sounded more like he was trying to claim that everyone did their jobs but things just didn't come together the way they would have liked. He even went back to the old GOP stance that Clinton's administration knew about a lot of this stuff too. I worry that when all is said and done, even if he is telling the truth in his book, his credibility is for shit and therefor history will not be served well by it. Poor history.

What's Cookin' Volume 2

The Look: The set looks like someone's house but It is hard to tell if it is a real house or a convincing replica. It is French country design which is appropriate considering the host. Maybe it's Jacques' house. What do I know about it? I'm not a set designer. I'm just some dumb-ass Pollack in Chicago.

The Cast: Most of the time it's just Jacques but every once in a while he has an old chef buddy on the show and they poke fun at each other and tell inside jokes that they sometimes explain but not always. Somehow this makes the show more appealing.

Jacques has been around for something like a hundred years and has authored more books than Stephen King. That's serious clout. Also, he's French and (say what you will about the French) those fuckers can cook. They don't call the accepted rules for cooking "French Technique" for nothing.

What's Cookin': There's a lot of French influence in most of the recipes but Jacques has lived and worked in the US for a long time. He knows his audience so he makes recipes geared towards Americans. Also, he worked with Julia Child on books and TV shows and some of her tendency to thumb her nose at tradition in favor of convenience and tricks of the trade gained from years of cooking has rubbed off.

Though Julia's influence is apparent, he generally makes his dishes a bit healthier than she did. When he does put a big wad of butter in the pan he usually justifies it pretty well using the "all things in moderation" defense.

Problems With The Show: It's called "Fast Food My Way" and when Jacques cooks the dishes it does go pretty quick. A home cook needs to allow for a lot more prep time. When you work in a commercial kitchen for years, you get very fast at chopping, dicing and know how to multi-task in the kitchen without the wheels coming off the bus.

Also, less experienced cooks might get flustered by the fact that Jacques rarely measures anything. He (like many experienced cooks) does a lot of guestimating and uses measurements like "a handful" and "however many you like". At least he doesn't use the metric system. You can get written recipes on the show's website.

Why I Watch: He's a living legend of the culinary world. He won the James Beard lifetime achievement award in '05 for fuck's sake! Did YOU win a James Beard award recently? No, you didn't. So go get your knives and start chopping your mirepoix, rookie.

If You're Retarded, Please Raise Your Hand

This is the reason I will never vote for a Republican president. What a bunch of dipshits. Don't even get me started on the Roe v Wade question. Ugh!

What's Cookin' Vol. 1

I know I go on about politics quite a bit but when I'm not watching McLaughlin or Tim Russert, you can usually find me watching cooking shows. I also used to cook in a 4 star restaurant. As such, I consider myself a bit of an expert and decided I would critique some of the best and worst of the lot. Here goes...



The Look: Everyday Food is a PBS show that got its start a couple years ago on a simple/commercial kitchen set with the cast wearing different brightly colored sweaters. The production quality got a lot better this past year which would indicate to me that once the show got some traction they started sinking more loot into it. Now they film on a set that looks more like somebody's fancy ass house.

The Cast: The show has 5 hosts that share the spotlight. They are Lucinda Scala Quinn, Margot Olshan, Sarah Carey, John Barricelli and last (but most certainly not least) Allie Lewis.


I guess you could say I've got kind of a thing for Allie. I think that they are putting a little too much make up on the ladies since they gussied up the show but other than that she is pretty easy on the eyes.

The cast all work for Martha Stewart's magazine of the same name so they actually know how to cook quite well.

What's Cooking: The cast takes turns making meals that most people can produce in a short amount of time or with the least amount of trouble and simple techniques for the home cook. They try to and do a good job of using influences from lots of different cuisines. I have seen everything from Indian food to Thai to Russian. All made to be very accessible to home cooks.

Problems With The Show: It's a Martha Stewart production which has a couple of set backs. Everything looks a little too perfect and has that Martha feel that turns some people off. Also, it means that there's a whole lot of measuring going on. More experienced cooks (myself included) don't like measuring things or timers and shit like that. We season to taste and cook it until it's done.

Why I watch: Although I don't take to all the measuring to well, I get some good ideas for recipes from the show. Also, pretty girls in Aprons are hot.

The Other Stamp

Watching Bush try to justify his veto and blame it all on partisan politics is such bullshit. He says, "It makes no sense to tell your enemy when you plan on withdrawing." We want to tell the Iraqis when we plan on withdrawing so they can get their shit together, asshole.

He says, "Setting a date for withdrawal is setting a date for failure and that would be irresponsible." He set a date for failure the day his administration chose to completely destroy the Iraqi infrastructure and through de-Baathification prevented the people who actually knew how to run shit from running shit. Talk about irresponsible. We didn't even try that shit with Nazi Germany. We understood that people belonged to the party because not to do so would be stupid.

He accused the Dems of putting in a lot of pork in the bill. This fucker has vetoed 2 bills his entire time as president and NOW he decides that he is against pork. Total bullshit!

Then he lied blatantly about the violence (sectarian) dying down and that it is all Al Qaeda doing the killing but not Iraqis who want us to get the fuck out. So even though violence is way up he is making claims that it is way down. I have never heard such utter crap. Bush, we do not believe that Al Qaeda and Iraq had anything to do with each other until you fought to take us to a war under false pretenses and then destroyed the country's ability to manage itself.

I am so fucking sick of this shit. Politically this is gold for my team but politicizing a war is always bad news. The Rs are going down if they stick to their guns on this and they're gonna figure that out real soon. I wish they would come to their senses and start bringing our boys home.

If it was his intention to piss off just about everybody... Mission Accomplished.

George Tenet is Pissed Off

Watching 60 Minutes tonight I realized that George may have been biting his lip for a long time to protect ongoing investigations and probably bullshitted his way through a few committee hearings but I don't think he was happy about it. He is far from blameless in creating an environment in which a case for war in Iraq could have been made but I think that he finally is telling the truth in many cases about what actually went on and what his role was in the worst military mistake in recent history.

Looks like Condi was the most complicit in this charade so far but she is such a tool that we will never hear her side of the story. She and Cheney might as well be the same person. They continually reiterate the same lies as talking points that they spouted before all this got started. I have heard both of them insist Saddam had WMDs as recently as this year. How the fuck can they continue with that sort of talk? Sooo angry. HULK SMASH!

Back to George. He was so mad that he was squirming in his chair like he hadn't peed in a week. I thought he was gonna wrassle with Scott. His passion behind his statements convinced me that he was scapegoated and that Perle was the fuck who really orchestrated a lot of this shit. Frontline made similar assertions in a program focusing on Tenet a few years ago.

Also on the show was the biggest mind blowing anti common sense argument for not keeping guns out of the hands of the mentally ill that I have ever heard. Makes me want to buy a gun. Proly a bad idea.

No Surprises

Watched the debates last night. Lots of candidates means you really can't get at the substance of each candidate in the time alotted. The one thing that came across loud and clear is that Mike Gravel is a surly old man who might want to have his blood pressure checked. I thought he was gonna start slapping people.



Aside from Mike nearly having a melt down, there wasn't really much in the way of a debate. Everyone really seemed to agree on most issues aside from Dennis "The Impeacher" Kucinich. He is often right about issues but comes off as a little cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs sometimes.

Joe Biden Brought the funny with his one word response.



Finally, I think I might have a crush on Dennis' wife Elizabeth. When I first saw them together I though it was his daughter. That fella robbed the cradle propah.

Greatest Shits

Someone please remind me never to shake Sheryl Crow's hand. After her one square of TP remark, I was a little baffled. I don't know if her bowel movements are made of stone or if she has some sort of retractable anus that works like an ovapositor or something but I have to do a little scrubbing down there after I do my business. I'd like to take a shower after I make with the #2 but that's just not always an option and probably not so smart when it comes to water conservation. If I use just one square of paper, I am probably gonna need a whole mees of paper towels to get my hands clean. I apologize in advance for the horrible mental pictures this might have caused.

Dumb, Dumb, Dumb, Dumb Ass Remark

John McCain has gotten himself in trouble by saying stupid things before and this is certainly not the worst. He was asked a question that was rather disturbing and tried to be light hearted and funny. The question that he was asked by a person who seemed to want us to nuke Iran was something like, "When do we send 'em an airmail message to Tehran?" His Beach Boys reference might not have been such a fucking bomb if we weren't bogged down in Iraq right now.



The thing that really bothers me about this and other comments (ala Ann Coulter) is that when they are uttered in front of a conservative audience. People seem to think it's hilarious. I guess I've been living in my blue city/state for too long.

My message to John is simple. Stay away from war jokes and don't say "gooks" anymore. Maybe you'll get the VP bid from your party. Also, don't blow your nose on stage. That's gross.

Gonzales Gets Grilled Updated

Arlen Specter nearly bit Alberto's head off this morning. You do not go in front of the Senate and make smug comments about always being prepared when the reason you're there is because you are a fuck-up.

I expected Arlen Specter to hand Alberto his ass today. I expected Chuck Shumer to shit hammer him. Leahy? Oh, yeah. He has been preparing for this for weeks. But Coburn, Grassley, and Lindsey fucking Graham? I have seen Graham defend some seriously fucked up shit to save Bush's ass and I figured he'd do the same here but I couldn't have been more wrong. He even seemed to be enjoying himself while he handed Gonzo his ass.

I think that the AG is going to keep his job because he went out there today and took the heat for the White House. The only good thing I have ever been able to say about the Bush administration is that they are intensely loyal. Loyal to a fault to be certain but I've always respected loyalty. He got ass reamed so that Karl Rove doesn't have to and I think that Bush will reward that. Unless he resigns on his own, I don't think Bush will ask for it. Maybe that is why the Republican senators were so vicious today. Could be, though it is probably because they deeply resented the idea of using a loophole in the Patriot Act to bypass confirmation hearings.

A special shout out to the guy in the audience who was keeping tally of the number of times "Fredo" said, "I don't recall." At last count it was well over 70 times.

Don't Hurt Me Hammer

I am getting a day off from work tomorrow. Sort of. I (along with a number of other folks from work) am heading down to the Back of the Yards hood to volunteer for Habitat For Humanity. It's a great organization and I am thrilled to be associated with it. I plan on volunteering again on my own next month. Jimmy Carter rules!

Career Builder allows me 3 paid days off a year to do charitable work. We are also sponsoring a town to support The Millennium Project to end hunger in our lifetime. It makes me proud to work for a company that is so dedicated to giving back to the community. I even got to shake hands with Jeffrey Sachs at a company party . Very exciting for a dork like me.

If anyone is interested in having their company volunteer time or donate to one of these causes, please let me know and I can have one of the corporate coordinators in these organizations get in touch with you.

Feeling Kind of Pale

Rode my bike to work for the first time today. Took a lot longer than my test ride because I had not factored in the traffic difference on a Saturday as compared to a Monday. I was about 10 minutes late. My boss was late too so no big deal.

Apparently, riding your bike to work in the burbs is an odd thing to see since I had a number of remarks thrown my way on my way home. They include the following:

• Ride your bike on the sidewalk, asshole.
• Nice bike, faggot.
• Look! It's the 40 year old virgin.
  
• Woo-hoo!

There were a few others that I couldn't make out so maybe they were/weren't aimed at me.

Apparently, the sidewalk remark is born out of the fact that you can ride your bike out there and never run into anyone. The streets are packed but the only people I saw using the sidewalks were people on bikes. It's illegal in the city but in Jefferson Park it appears to be the preferred use. As for the other comments I say:

• Why does riding a bike make me gay? Also, it's 2007 folks. Can we stop using that word?
  
• I am not 40 and I slept with lots of ladies in my day. Who? Girl I met at Niagra Falls. You wouldn't know her. She's from Canada.
  
• Woo-hoo indeed. I was hauling ass down Foster at the time and with the wind in my hair I probably looked pretty dashing.
  

When I got back to my predominantly Hispanic neighborhood I realized that my skin is awfully white this spring. My darker skinned neighbors made me feel really pasty. I make Rose McGowan look like Lorenzo Llamas. Gotta get a little sun on these legs.

The Times (And Climate) Are A Changin'

I went to the hospital today to meet my new niece. She is beautiful and I am very proud of Melissa and Steven. Steven does have an awkward way of holding the little lady that makes me nervous to watch. I know he'd never drop her but... It just makes me nervous. Melissa is a natural though so I am sure he'll pick up on the tricks of the trade.

I rode my bike back home and when I got to the intersection at Diversey and Western, I had to stop for what seemed like an eternity because of traffic. That's when I saw some folks with sandwich boards and fliers. One of them was heading my way. There is an abortion clinic at that intersection and I thought to myself, "Please, do not let one of these people show me a picture of a dead baby after just seeing a brand new life." Thankfully, they spared me that.

Instead, they tried to give me a pamphlet calling global warming a hoax and that Al Gore and his cronies are part of a massive conspiracy to benefit Democrats and that this science insulted god somehow. Now I wanted to tell them, "That's an abortion clinic over there, ya know?"

I am so sick of people arguing for or against global warming. Even if you're one of those folks who thinks it is a hoax (I call them nut-jobs), you still know that we are damaging our planet. I mean, these people were standing in the middle of Western Ave. . There had to be a few times today when they held their breath when a cloud of exhaust fumes got in their face. Why would anyone try to stop a movement that will improve our environment and enhance our quality of life? Fucking retards.

Good Time To Start A Drywall Company

The USOC just announced that Chicago is their choice to be the host city for the 2016 Summer Olympics. I am thrilled. I have always believed that I live in the greatest city in the world. The best people, the best vision for development and the best park system of any urban center I have ever been to.

I think that we have a better chance of winning the bid at the IOC level than anyone else. The idea that all the construction will create new affordable housing as a legacy of the games along with the creation of more park facilities along the lake front is great news. Every time I go down to Millennium Park, I get a little pang of pride and the idea that we can add to that is truly great news.

Plus, I fucking hate Los Angeles.

Ad Problems

So I decided to sign up for this ad thing and I am a little disappointed on how it is turning out. I assumed it would be based on some sort of relevancy like the way G-mail uses key words from emails to post links to ads or products I might be interested on the right side of my screen. Problem is that right now there is an ad for Ann Coulter's book and some thing about Jesus. They change from time to time but I HATE Ms. Coulter and I am an atheist so it is a little off putting to have these ads up. any body know of a remedy or a way to have them not at the top of the page? I don't want anybody thinking I am a right winger or a religious zealot.

I Can't Wait For The Baby SItting Revenue To Start Rolling In

I am proud to announce that my brother and sister in law finally got to meet the little lady that has been hiding in Melissa's belly for the last nine months. Her name is Mia Esme (my emerald) and she was 8 pounds 10 and a half ounces. This is my 8th niece/nephew and the first that was well thought out and planned. The rest were all "happy accidents." Seems that some of the family have been a little careless. Now I gotta get down to the store and buy some booties.

A Final Confrontation

Alderman Joe Moore and opponent Don Gordon were on Chicago Tonight just a few minutes ago and I have to say that Joe made a powerful argument but somehow still came off as being an asshole. He stepped all over Don's speaking time and the moderator let him get away with it. I hate it when a moderator does not do their job. I was pretty disappointed. Phil Ponce should have handled that one instead of the 15th ward debate going on now. He has a lot more control .

In any case, I think that Joe is the man to vote for because he doesn't seem to be as deeply in the pockets of outside influences as Gordon which is amazing considering Joe has been at the job for a long time. Gordon did explain his opinions well but I came away feeling that it is better to stick with Joe for now as he at least has a direction that (if sometimes unpopular) he feels is what the majority of his constituents want.

I think that the blue light cameras scare off business as well as criminals but that's the only thing Don and I seem to agree on. I hate to be a tool but I think I gotta vote for Joe. Again.