Michael on Fargo

My Blog Will Be Way More Popular After This Post

2008-07-28T12:27:00.001-05:00

I was listening to NPR this morning and there was some discussion about the Philippine's Moral Islamic Liberation Front and a recent peace agreement that they had arrived at with President Arroyo. You can learn a lot about it by Googling "Filipino MILF".

Sleeping Problems?

2008-07-16T13:39:00.003-05:00

Do you find yourself tossing and turning at night? Are you kept awake worrying about things you can't do anything about? Are you just too keyed up to get a good rest? Me too! Here's what did last night to remedy it:

Chose a relaxing movie to watch before bed. My choice was "Narc."
While watching the movie I snacked on chocolate covered espresso beans and washed it down with Diet Dr. Pepper.
Sat quietly in bed waiting for my heart to explode.
Slept like a baby*.

There you have it. Good luck and sweet dreams.

*A crack baby.

The Creepy Guy At The Gym

2008-06-23T13:07:00.003-05:00

Dear Creepy Guy,

Just wanted to let you know that I REALLY don't need a spot. Seriously, I got it. If I need help I'll let you know. Actually, I won't. I'll let someone else know because you are totally creeping me out. You've asked me like 20 times and the only people who would do such a thing are stalkers and Super Christians and I don't have room for either in my life right now.

Also, if you could cut the chit-chat in the locker room, I'd really appreciate it. I do not like talking to other guys when I'm naked. Don't stand around waiting for me to take my head phones off either. That is not some sort of signal. I just can't change my shirt with my iPod on.

Another locker room issue I have is that you apparently don't realize that you can pass me by stepping to the other side of the bench. No need to brush by in your towel. If you do it again, I might freak out a little. Actually, I might freak out a lot.

Finally, eat a fucking Certs or something. You got salami breath real bad.

Sincerely,
Michael K

A Lesson Learned

2008-06-14T13:03:00.003-05:00

If you are having coffee with a group of people and you notice that a woman has a cigar case in her purse, do not say, "Hey, you must really like the tobaccy. What kind of cigars do you smoke?" There is a good chance that she does not carry cigars in it.

So Long, Tim.

2008-06-13T15:40:00.003-05:00

Tim Russert died today. Sunday mornings won't be the same. Here he is busting Cheney's balls:

Good times.

Finally

2008-06-04T18:46:00.005-05:00

Last night should have finally brought the campaign to a close but Hillary has decided to hold out and not make a concession speech. I imagine she is holding out for some concession form the Obama campaign. I imagine it is something to do with carrying her agenda forward. I hope that whatever it is, she either gets it or gets over it soon. It's time to get on with the ass kicking we are going to give McCain.

If this is any indicator of the treatment McCain is going to get from the press in the months to come, this is going to be a fucking blowout.

Yes, those are FOX news correspondents making fun of Johnny "Geritol" McCain.

While I am in cocky swagger mode I'd like to add, "GO CUBS!"

I Went To College.

2008-05-30T18:39:00.003-05:00

And I am sure my professors would be thrilled by this exchange I had today with a passing motorist:

Dude in truck: Nice hat, faggot! Cubs suck!

Me: Suck my ass!

Then I shot him the bird.

Maybe It's Just Me...

2008-05-19T16:33:00.003-05:00

I really like The Arcade Fire. They are one of the 3 or 4 best bands from the last few years in my opinion. I stayed up late twice to watch them on both Austin City Limits and SNL. I even plan on going to see them the next time they are in town. With all that said, there is one problem I have with this group (not that they're Canadian) and it has to do with this song:

It's a great song but every time I hear it I get this song stuck in my head:

Is it just me?

You Get What You Pay For

2008-05-17T13:58:00.002-05:00

I have been reviewing the "Free" listings on Craigslist lately. Here are a few things that could be yours for nothing:

Expired Baby Cereal - Unopened - We Care about our children but if you don't, come pick this shit up.
used motor oil 8 gallons FREE -Throw in a wading pool and a turkey baster and you got yourself a deal. Ladies?
concrete blankets -Sounds comfy.
Free Boat:: What Do You Expect For Free ? -A fucking boat, I guess!

ET Is Just Alright With Me...

2008-05-14T15:58:00.002-05:00

The Rev. Jose Gabriel Funes, the Jesuit director of the Vatican Observatory, said that the vastness of the universe means it is possible there could be other forms of life outside Earth, even intelligent ones.

In an interview published Tuesday by Vatican newspaper L'Osservatore Romano, Funes said that such a notion "doesn't contradict our faith" because aliens would still be God's creatures.

All my Catholic friends can openly enjoy fantasies of being abducted by little green men now that the Vatican has given the OK to believe in aliens. They just aren't allowed to enjoy what the little green men do to them.

Coo-coo for CUFI?

2008-05-13T18:00:00.004-05:00

McCain's campaign has been making a lot of what they call an "endorsement" by Hamas for Obama. It was actually a comment by Ahmed Yousef that he liked Barack and then compared him to JFK. This is actually pretty old news but since it was brought up in a conversation I had yesterday with a person who is not a complete idiot, I thought I'd weigh in on one of my favorite McCain supporter/endorsers, John Hagee.

Hamas may be full of religious nuts but they are also the leading political party in the Palestinian Authority and believe that the Senator from Illinois has displayed the leadership needed to resolve issues in the mid-east. Even so, Obama has condemned them as a terrorist organization on a number of occasions. Not exactly courting their endorsement. Thus it is hard to believe that the beliefs of Hamas will have any bearing on the Senator's policies. The "endorsement" is nothing more than a strange comment on a radio show.

Hagee is a religious nut/televangelist who has lots of viewers here in the US. I assume a lot of those people vote and are probably in the conservative Republican camp. Those voters have been heavily courted by McCain and when he received Hagee's endorsement at a press conference his campaign organized, he seemed pretty pleased with it. Here's a little taste of the John Hagee we all know and love:

And some more stuff for those of you who can't get enough:

Apparently, Ezekiel and Joel were huge on petroleum economics and foreign policy.

And just in case you think Hagee is just a fat old man who spouts off to crazy people and not part of a dangerous organization like Hamas:

Maybe it's just me but I think that maybe John McCain ought to start condemning folks like this. Don't get me started about Pat Robertson (again).

Fear and Hatred in Milwaukee

2008-05-07T12:51:00.003-05:00

Since coming to Milwaukee I have discovered a that there is a long standing feud between the citizens of Cream City and The Hog Butcher for the World. The problem is that nobody bothered to tell people in Chicago.

They fucking hate Chicago here. They blame us for everything from pollution to stealing all their talented young people and crowding their lakes with tourists. I was yelled at in the Pick-and-Save the other day while wearing my Cubs hat. A fella told me, "The fucking Cubs suck!" He had his kids with him. He was passing the hate down to another generation right there in the produce department. I imagined them eating apples later at a Klan rally and complaining that they were picked by a bunch of filthy Chicagoans.

While riding my bike the other day (again with my Cubs hat on) a guy in a truck pulled alongside me and yelled, "Where's your training wheels, pansy? Go back to Illinois!" it was right around the time you'd expect someone to get off work from the brewery so he was probably drunk but that hardly excuses his behavior.

I can't wait to get back to Chi-town and go back to ignoring Milwaukee and treating Wisconsin like Canada.

Can I Get A God Damn, America!?

2008-03-17T13:33:00.003-05:00

I have been to a lot of different religious services in my life and have heard lots of crazy shit come out of the mouths of religious men and have not spoken out to condemn them. To prevent that from ever casting a cloud of suspicion over any future campaigns for elected office, I would like to set the record straight that I believe most of the stuff that comes out of the mouths of preachers is nutty bullshit. I don't think anybody is going to hell or that they will be buried up to their chins in shit for eternity.

Speaking of being buried in shit, isn't it time we all asked that Chris Wallace stop sullying the name of his father with his non-stop drivel? I am challenging Chris Wallace to be interviewed by this blog and am officially declaring my own "Wallace Watch!" Every second that passes without a response will be interpreted as cowardice by Chris and not as him disregarding a 2 bit blogger because he has something else to do. As a matter of fact, I'm putting all of Fox News on notice. It's an all out "Fox Watch" bitches!

I Can Be Silent No Longer

2008-03-13T08:21:00.003-05:00

I am personally offended by Geraldine's comments and negative portrayal of African Americans. Shameful.

A Little Taste

2008-02-23T11:37:00.003-06:00

Howdy, folks! Thanks for all your well wishes and everything. I am doing fine and hope to begin acting like a normal person again soon. Not up for a great big old blog post just yet but here are a few notes and thoughts over recent weeks.

Obama is going to be our next president and I am taking all the credit in advance.
The writers strike is over and SNL better make up for it tonight or I am going to throw my TV out the window.
I went to Shedd Aquarium a few days ago and one of the whales exhaled in my face. It was pretty cool.
Cubs are in training camp. I am getting excited. I am retarded.

I'm going to spend some time over the next several weeks in Milwaukee. If anyone has any suggestions on how to spend my time out there, suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

More soon.

Catching Up

2008-01-08T12:21:00.000-06:00

Sorry to anyone who may have actually visited recently. I have been a bad blogger. I have a great excuse though. I have been in the hospital since the 27th and have just gained access to a computer. I am going to be fine so nobody worry bout a thing. I just need to catch up on a few things that I missed.

Barack Obama (my guy) won the Iowa caucus and it looks like he is going to win in New Hampshire as well. I am feeling all proud of myself since I made more than a few calls on his behalf over the last few months. Once SC is in the bag I plan to send Hillarty a photocopy of my ass.
Ron Paul is a racist anti-semite. This doesn't really surprise me since the Libertarian party has a huge racist sefment that Ron has appealed to in a type of coded language in some of his speeches. He has spoken in support of secession, and is a neo-confederate that thinks both the Civil War and the Civil Rights Act were huge mistakes. Why do so many people back this guy? The possible answer makes me shudder.
Hillary is a cry-baby. I actually found her show of emaotion quite charming but when she used it a s a spring board to launch into a negative attack on Barack, I was a little put off.
The Daily Show is back. YAY!!

That's all I got for now. I promise to try and write more in the coming weeks. Happy New Year!

The Writers Strike Must End

2007-12-20T13:53:00.000-06:00

Clash Of The Choirs? Is that really what's on TV tonight? For 2 hours? Are you fucking kidding me? Who let Michael Bolton on TV? And Patti Labelle? Way to be on top of the hot talent NBC. Blake Shelton sounds like a made up soap opera name written by a 9 year old.

I don't know who has to blow who over in Hollywoodland to end this thing but people better starting putting on the lip gloss pretty soon or I am gonna shoot somebody. They're bringing back American Gladiators on prime time TV for fuck's sake! I am going to turn on my TV soon hoping to catch a new episode of 30 Rock and there is going to be a man in a unitard named Laser beating a guy with a pillow on a broom handle. Fuck me.

A Christmas Story

2007-12-18T14:02:00.001-06:00

When I was in elementary school, we were off the week prior and the week following Christmas. For me, much of this time was spent outside playing in the snow. Burrowing tunnels through plow piles, sledding, snowball fights and the like were pretty much the sole source of entertainment until we got Atari when I was in th 6th grade. Looking back, it was a lot of fun but I was always jealous of those friends who got to go on vacations every winter. They'd come back from break with tans and stories about dolphins, parasailing, and snorkeling.

The first few days recesses back at school were usually spent discussing what we had done over break. We'd huddle around on the playground and share our stories. The vacation kids usually went first as they were the most enthusiastic. The kids who got really cool stuff like snowmobiles and mini-bikes were next followed by kids who talked about stunts they pulled and drunken uncles. The last kids to speak were the one-uppers and the liars. In the fifth grade I was in the "stunts/uncles" group after getting busted at the beginning of the year telling a complete bullshit story about what I had done over summer break. I had learned my lesson. This is a story of someone else's humiliation.

It was the first day back from break we were out at recess. Eric P (last names abbreviated to protect the innocent) had just finished telling a funny story about a drunken uncle at a Christmas Eve party and we were all replaying images of it in our heads. After the giggling subsided, Joe R. piped in and started telling a story about something his brother did at his own Christmas Party. We listened to him but we were a little skeptical of everything he said.

Joe was a horrible one-upper who filled his stories with lots of exaggerations. Once, during a class party for our teacher's birthday, Joe did a few magic tricks. After the teacher told him how good he was, we had to endure Joe telling us all that his grandfather was friends with Harry Houdini. Most of his stories were studded with these types of gems. They were fantastic but unverifiable.

Joe's story was going along as we would usually expect. He exaggerated about how much stuff was at the party and how awesome his brother's car was. The goose his mom made barely fit in the oven. His grandmother gave him a check for for a thousand bucks but the money was in the bank and he couldn't get at it until he was 16. We doubted a lot of what he said but noone was going to call his house and ask his mom so what could you do?

Joe wasn't getting the ooh's and ahh's he wanted so his story began to take a more fantastic turn. The following are Joe's words as best I can recall them.

Joe: So then, we went home after the party and my mom let me eat rum balls. I think they had a lot of rum in them and I was feeling all drunk. I stayed up and watched Scrooge and then I put out cookies and stuff for Santa.

This last part sent up a few alarms but nobody called him on it. Some families do these things out of tradition. We let him go on.

Joe: I went to bed and later I heard some noise coming from the living room so I got up and snuck out to look and Santa was there putting presents under the tree.

You'd think the stunned look on all our faces would have clued him in to bail on this tale but I think he misinterpreted it as us all really digging his story. He continued.

Joe: Yeah, so there was Santa and I was trying to be quiet but he knows everything so he knew I was there and everything so he turned around and said, "Hello, Joseph. You've been a very good boy this year so I came to give you a special present."

His only salvation would be if this turned into a drunken uncle/child molester story but Joe was now completely in fantasy land.

Joe: So Santa took me up to the roof and gave me a ride on Rudolph and we went to the North Pole and met the elves and stuff. I got to have cookies with Mrs. Claus and everything. Then he flew me back and he gave me a new football and made me go back to bed.

The grilling started immediately. "Wow, Joe. What did Santa look like?" "What kept you from freezing to death in your pajamas while flying to the North Pole on a reindeer?" Dozens of questions were asked and Joe came up with fantastic answers for all of them. He had no idea that he was rapidly digging the hole we would soon bury him in. My best friend, Eric, finally ended the real questions and started the ridicule.

"Hey, Joe." he started, "What does reindeer shit smell like? Candy canes?"

Paul W. added, "Yeah, Joe. What do Santa's balls taste like?"

I don't remember how it ended exactly. I'm sure the bell rang at some point and ended the nightmare that Joe had conjured for himself. We teased him about it for weeks and every year after that someone would bring it up at a class Christmas party or dance. Hell, here I am writing about it all these years later. I wonder if he wakes up sweating on Christmas day with the sound of laughing 10 year old boys in his head. I know I would.

Democratic Debate

2007-12-14T11:33:00.000-06:00

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... Wha? Huh? Sorry. I nodded off a little bit there for a second. Talking about family farmers is pretty fucking fascinating but can we get to the blowjobs? Iowans really need a BJ right now. Please tell them how much you like the greasy shit that they all choke down at the state fair.Please tell them how important they are and how awesome they are. Sure, there's a war going on but BJs are what is really on the minds of potential caucus goers in IA. Go get your knee-pads, Joe. There are only 3 weeks left and you're way behind in the polls.

Republican Debate

2007-12-13T13:17:00.000-06:00

After watching the debate last night I came away with these basic points:

Carolyn Washburn is a stickler for time limits
Alan Keyes is batshit crazy
Carolyn Washburn has a giant rod up her ass
Mitt Romney has nice hair
I cannot imagine what kind of living nightmare it must be to work for Carolyn Washburn
Tancredo's stance on ensuring that immigrants are assimilated into our culture comes off a little racist

Helloooooo!

2007-12-10T14:32:00.000-06:00

Is it just me or does it bother anyone else that Dana would start a press briefing on the CIA destroying video of interrogations with a super flirty greeting?

Scooter dropped his appeal for one reason. He might be found guilty again and by the time the trial is over Bush will be out of office and unable to pardon him.

Al Sharpton Is At It Again

2007-12-10T12:13:00.000-06:00

I guess Al couldn't find any innocent LaCrosse players to accuse of rape today so he decided to make threats against the Chicago Police Department. He is demanding an investigation into a number of police brutality cases or else he plans to petition the IOC to deny Chicago's olympic bid. Here are a few points I'd like the "Reverend" to consider:

There is already an ongoing investigation into several police brutality cases.
A Special Opersations Section task force was recently disbanded due to controversy.
A new Police head was brought in from the outside to clean up the force. Jody Weis has extensive experience in prosecuting corrupt cops.
Al Sharpton is an embarassment to the Civil Rights movement.
Does anyone believe the IOC will listen to Al Sharpton?
Al Sharpton was a drug dealer turned snitch to avoid prison.

Please Stop Beating The Drums Now (Updated!)

2007-12-03T17:01:00.000-06:00

In case you haven't heard, it turns out that Iran halted its nuclear (nucular if you're Republican) program back in 2003. Seems that the GOPs intense rhetoric and insistence that Iran was not only developing a nuclear weapon but according to Bush, had "threatened countries with a nuclear weapon". From a few months ago:

I expect we will hear a lot from the Republican candidates in the coming weeks defending previous statements. John "Bom-bomb Iran" McCain will probabaly feel most compelled to make a statement in defending his position and will probably say something like, "Well, it looks like the pressure we put ion them recently worked.", even though it turns out we were making threats based on faulty intelligence once again.

The big question that pops into my head after all this is, "How do we keep getting it wrong when it comes to these very important intelligence issues?" My guess is that the best people in the intelligence world are being directed by Bush cronies, appointed to positions they are not qualified to hold. The rest of the administration is a mess. My guess is that that the CIA, NSA, and FBI are probably in just as bad shape. Where are all the lessons we were supposed to have learned from 9/11, GW? Fuck.

UPDATE!

Why in the hell would Mike McConnell tell W that he had new information and then not tell him what it was? How the fuck would anyone on his staff let him make speeches about WW III knowing that there was evidence like this out there? And finally, does anyone really believe a word that comes out of his mouth?

Let's Grow Up Folks

2007-11-30T11:34:00.000-06:00

When I hear Tancredo say shit like this, I want to smakc the shit out of him. Doesn't he realize that not so long ago these same excuses were used to keep blacks from serving in the military? Soldiers do as they are told. Period. WIll there be those that feel a little queezy about working with those that are different from themselves? Yes. But letting dinosaurs like these fellas make decisions about civil rights issues is a fucking joke.

If the military is supposed to direct our serving men and women on what proper conduct is, how can we assert that there is something wrong with homosexuals and then send them out into the real world with those prejudices? It is counterproductive to what the U.S. is supposed to be about.

Suck it, Hunter.

Rove Re-Writes History

2007-11-29T12:26:00.000-06:00

I have been following this for a number of days. I have actually been waiting to see if anyone would come out and support Rove's assertion that Congress was blood thirsty and pushed for war with their vote. So far that boy is standing out in the cold.

The very idea that the White House had its hand forced in some way to invade Iraq because of the vote to authorize the use of force is absolute nonsense. First of all, whether congress authorizes it or not, it is the role of the Commander in Chief to direct the actions of the armed forces. How he thinks he can escape this fact under the guise of not wanting to divulge the entirety of his book is fairly ridiculous if not just an outright ploy to sell more copies.

I don't have to tell you that there are numerous documented episodes in which the White House made it very clear that they urgently wanted authorization for the war and even used the election as a way to leverage support for pro-authorization votes. We all know that Bush didn't veto shit til the Dems took congress and many spending bills contained huge anounts of pork in order to buy votes for the war both prior to and after authorization. Are you fucking kiddin me Carl? I can't wait to read your book. I will of course be checking out from the library. There's no way I'm gonna pay for it.

A Meeting to Discuss When We Can Arrange a Meeting

2007-11-28T13:48:00.000-06:00

Dana, just say, "It was a photo op so that maybe if something actually comes out of this he can get his picture in a history book that does not have a caption with phrase 'total dick' in it."

Her comments basically affirm what many have been saying about this meeting all along. Condi was not be able to get these folks together for any substantive talks. The fact that Iraq (a pretty big piece in the Mid-East puzzle) couldn't show up because they are "pretty busy" kind of proves my point that the whole meeting was a waste of time.

Happy Ladder Day

2007-11-27T14:09:00.000-06:00

See all these mormons? I've got a Church of Jesus Christ and His Ladder Day Saints near me. Dont' ask me what "Ladder Day" is. My guess is it has something to do with climbing to heaven or some hoo-ha like that. Anyway, look at the outifts. They all wear suits every day and on those suit is a name tag like these:

Every day they wear suits and not once have I seen even one of them wear a flag pin on their lapel. They remember to wear their name tags without missing a day but when it comes to sporting a little patriotic reminder of 9/11, they can't be f'n bothered. Seems like maybe we should round up all thes mormons and let them ride their bikes back to wherever they came from. What do you think about that, Mitt Romney?

Empty Lott

2007-11-27T11:04:00.000-06:00

Trent Lott announced his intent to resign at the end of the year. He claims that he is not leaving for any reason aside from he wants to spend more time with his family. That's nice. He also said in his press conference that he hoped there would be more opportunities in his future and that there are opportunities he hopes he'll be able to consider. He also claims that the new law regarding employment by lobbyists had no bearing on his decision.

*ah-ah-ahbullshit!*

Excuse me.

I predict that by this time in '09 Trent will have himslef a cushy job with Petroleum company or lobby. I'll bet you 5 bucks.

Thanksgiving Weekend Wrap Up

2007-11-26T10:40:00.000-06:00

I decided to start a new tradition for myself on Thanksgiving and volunteer to cook food for those less fortunate than myself. I had a nice day cooking and sending food out to people. Most of the volunteers were great even if they sometimes were intimidated by working in a large kitchen. One woman was so terrified by the giant steam kettle that she wouldn't go near it for fear of it suddenly toppling over and being scalded to death by 50 gallons of gravy.

After all the food was made and the kitchen scrubbed, some of the volunteers had a little dinner together and one guy even gave me a ride home. I had been up since 4:30 in the morning so I ate a little more turkey and fell asleep watching football. Not a bad day.

Friday, I ran a few errands early and went home for lunch. I do not hit the stores on "Black Friday" since celebrating the season of thanks should not be commemorated by trampling my fellow man so that I can get 25% off my Wii system.

By Friday afternoon, it was becoming more and more apparent that one of "those less fortunate" had passed on a horrifying stomach bug that had unleashed dark forces in my digestive tract. My immune system responded by expelling all visitors, friend or foe.

I went to the store and bought Tylenol, Gatorade and some Superfood hoping to at least remain hydrated but anything sweet just made it worse. It was water or nothing and I was gonna be stuck in the house for a few days. I settled in on the couch with a big bottle of water and the remote.

Normally, being stuck on the couch watching TV is not such a bad thing but I had failed to factor in that it was a Holiday weekend and programming had been changed. Channell 11 was running pledge drive programs. That's when they suspend airing the shows I like and show a marathon of shit until they get enough cash to return to regular programming. It's like they are holding Jim Lehrer hostage. MSNBC was showing a marathon of LOCKUP but I'd already seen most of them so I settled on college football.

I LIKE football but after Thursday, Friday and much of Saturday watching non-stop pummeling interupted only by trips to the can, I was getting kind of bored. I started watching Telemundo and other Spanish language programming even though I speak all of about a dozen words of the language. It was fun to try and interpret the dialogue and make a lot of it up myself. I think the fact that I was a little messed up on flu medicine really helped the effect.

There are greatly varying production values between Univision, Telemundo and Telefutura but one thing they all seem to embrace is a love of dubbing crappy 80's and 90's American films into Spanish. If you have never seen Mortal Combat: Annhilation, you should but only with the volume turned down and make up your own dialogue.

By Sunday, I was feeling a lot better and even got out to buy groceries. More football and a lte afternoon nap and I am back to 100%. It's been a long time since I've had a stay in weekend but I think I'll try to have one from now on every couple of months.

Happy Holidays!

Wha?

2007-11-23T12:29:00.000-06:00

I have never heard such complete crazy talk on what is supposed to be a news program in my entire life. His opinion is not only heavily devoid of facts but also makes the assertion that Saddam did in fact have nukes that even the White House has conceded was wrong. This guy is fucking nuts.

Scotty Comes Clean

2007-11-21T11:27:00.000-06:00

Here's Scotty a few years back:

In a new book due out in April, Scott claims that he was directed by Rove, Cheney, Libby, Rummy, and even W to dispense information that he now knows to be false. I can't wait to hear the WHite House respond to this latest revelation. I expect Dana Peino to do much what Scott odes in this clip which is to repeatedly claim that it is the policy of the administration not to comment on an ongoing investigation.

Where's Moses when you need him?

2007-11-09T11:40:00.000-06:00

Oddly enough, a one way ticket to hell also costs $25K.

Coo-Coo

2007-11-09T11:07:00.000-06:00

I'll believe a lot of people's claims about the Clintons but this lady needs meds.

She lives out in the country and has cats. I have had cats when I lived in a rural town and they were always bringing back little presents to the door. We also had a few cats go wild after a time. This woman's assertions that some mysterious catnapper was hired by the Clintons would be laughable if I didn't think she needed serious medical attention.

And, yes, Hannity did say "Killary" and to no surprise the "liberal", Colmes said nothing about. FOX NEWS BABY!

Enjoy That Endorsement, Rudy!

2007-11-07T11:58:00.000-06:00

Does anybody remember this?

It was the first thing I thought of when I heard about Pat endorsing Rudy. I searched for it for a coule of hours and TPMTV came through for me. Let's hope that this is on every news program on the planet tonight to remind people of what kind of person Pat is.

Also, how does Rudy account for this litle gem and then accept an endorsement from Pat?

You see, Ron is exactly right about why we were attacked but that's not a popular view among the right. If Rudy really has never heard of this before then he must be a fucking retard.

Hardball Power Rankings

2007-11-07T10:35:00.000-06:00

Dear Chris Matthews,

If you would, please stop with the Hardball Power Rankings. The graphic alone looks like a logo for EXXXXXXXXTREME GATORADE FROST! or some shit like that. The accompanying sound effects (Or are they FX! ?) scare my neighbor's dog.

I know you have to try to create some excitement about the coming elections but once you've reported on the debates and the most recent poll in Iowa, everything else is just speculation. Please report on what is going down in Iraq, Iran, Myanmar, Pakistan or even Russia. They've got some really interesting political troubles we should be paying attention to.

It's not that the horse you are flogging is dead. It is not a horse at all but rather a mule. No amount whipping is going to get this animal going any faster.

Sincerely,

Michael K

I Got Accused Of Being Anti-Semitic Today

2007-11-06T12:54:00.001-06:00

That's right. Someone thinks I got problems with the Jews. Why? Because I expressed my growing worries about AIPAC's influence over our government and concerns that our commitment to Israel causes a lot of problems. For this, I got accused of being anti-semitic. I was quite offended.

Tell Us What You Really Think

2007-11-06T12:33:00.000-06:00

Olbermann is often way too over the top for me. In this case I found myself nodding in agreement. Torture is the most despicable thing we can do to a person and stands in direct conflict to everything the USA is supposed to be about. It makes me embarassed for my country. For a veteran like myself, that is a form of torture in itself.

Please Sprint Faster

2007-11-03T12:00:00.000-05:00

The Heritage Foundation. Sounds nice doesn't it? Heritage Foundation. It's about our heritage. It's about the foundation. That's what you build your house on. It's all good. We all need a nice foundation to build our house on so that we can pass on our heritage.

Listen close here, folks. This fucking dipshit is selling torture as freedom. When he says that congress shouldn't interfere with the ability to gather information from known terrorists, he is referring to congress trying to stop the use of torture. What kind of freedom does he want? The freedom to torture people? The freedom to maintain military force in the middle east to intimidate those who control our oil based economy? I am so sick of this fucking neocon bullshit that it makes me want to scream. Aren't neocons supposed to be moralists? How the fuck do they justify this shit? Every time something like this comes out, I want to go out and slap people on the street for no reason. Gah.

This Is Fucking Hilarious

2007-11-02T15:57:00.001-05:00

I am so glad somebody took the time to put this together.

Say It Ain't So, Dog

2007-11-02T15:01:00.000-05:00

I am really disappointed by this. I actually kind of like this guy. He always seemed so sympathetic to the people he brought in. Now I feel like I got conned by this dude. Pathetic.

This Is Becoming A Regular Thing For Me

2007-11-02T14:29:00.000-05:00

Dana Perino has become a favorite target for my hatred as of late. It's so easy to take her apart that I almost feel guilty.

The rhetoric coming from the WHite House regarding Mukasey's appointment is a fucking sham. When you can't get a guy to commit to calling an act of torure "illegal" or not you've got a guy that should not be responsible for prosecuting illegal acts. McCain, Warner and Graham should all know that any proposal to legilsate the legality of torure is a waste of time. The last McCain bill to outlaw torure was signed by the president but he also wrote a signing statement that negated the the language in the bill outlawing torture when the president sees fit.

Everybody should stop kissing Karen Hughes' ass as well. She has had absolutely no positive impact as the undersecretary. Since 2000 the U.S. has gone from an approval rating throughout the world that averaged at about 70% to what recent polls show to be about 20% with some countries in the mid-east polling at about 9%. Not entirely her fault to be fair but she didn't seem to help a lot either.

Rumsfeld's comments are just kind of retarded.

In Case You Missed It

2007-10-31T15:04:00.000-05:00

I watched the whole thing. Not a lot of surprises here aside from Dennis' bizarre UFO speech. Obama and Edwards shit hammered Hillary as everyone thought they would. Edwards finally spoke the words everyone has been thinking, "The reason the republicans talk about you so much is because they want to run against you." I hope people start paying attention to this because the only way we can lose the White House right now is if Hillary gets the nomination. I cannot back another loser like Kerry.

Hillary repeatedly kept claiming her husband's experience in office as her own. Obama rightly took her to task for it since they are currently blocking the release of correspondence with her husband while in office both as governor and president. How can you claim that you gained a great deal of experience via your husband's successes and then refuse to release documents that illustrate your involvement in the governing process? Gah.

I was glad that Tim Russert was there because he doesn't let people off the hook very easily. Hillary's talking point responses were frequently irrelevant to the questions being asked and Tim either re-asked the questions or at least made it clear to everyone watching that she was being evasive.

I was a little put off by Richardson's coming to Hillary's rescue though there had been speculation that he'd do so before the debate took place. Rumor has it that he is trying to get a job should she be elected. I got news for you, Bill, she's not getting elected.

Debate Debate

2007-10-30T15:05:00.001-05:00

Democratic Candidates are set to debate tonight once again. I have to say that I am a little disappointed that everybody's favorite shouting old man, Mike Gravel, will not be in attendance tonight. I imagine that I'll be able ba bale to hear him shouting at his television from wherever he is anyhow.

Since the comic relief is gone, I think it's about time that we start narrowing the field even more so that the candidates can actually debate instead of just answer questions from the moderator. I'd like to see no more than 4 or 5 people on stage. Those should be Obama, Richardson, Edwards, Clinton and Biden. I know a lot of people like Kucinich even though they know he can't win. I actaully agree with much of what he says but I am a far left progressive whack job.

Anyways, I hope there is some meaningful discussion tonight. I predict that Hillary will get pissed and show her condescending side tonight. She has done it a few times at town hall style meetings where she has tried to shout down detractors. When she finally shows it on national TV, her numbers are gonna tank big time.

David Horrorwitz

2007-10-30T14:36:00.000-05:00

I know the video is a little on the long side but if you watch the whole thing you'll get an idea of why I think this guy is such an asshole. He is the worst kind of biggot. He is a biggot who does not realize that he is a biggot. He takes the position that eveyone is out to get him and people like him in order to justify attacking anyone who disagrees with his hateful views.

Now We've Got More Time For Andy To Babble

2007-10-29T13:49:00.001-05:00

When Sarkozy walked out because he was obvioulsy upset about his marriage coming apart, I felt kind of bad for him. However, it didn't seem very presidential to just walk off. Of course, he has been unpresidential in front of the cameras before as seen here at a press briefing at the G8 summit.

The French do love their wine.

You're Probably Gonna Want To Bump Your Head Real Hard Before Showtime

2007-10-24T13:01:00.001-05:00

Comedian Demtri Martin once said, "I think the best part about being stupid is that it makes magic way better." Retards are gonna LOVE this show.

How To Piss Off The Russians

2007-10-23T14:23:00.000-05:00

The GOPs push to put US missiles back in eastern Europe as well as all the chest pounding over Iran is going to push Russia into a position where they will be obligated to defend Iran. Russians do not believe there is any evidence that they are pursuing anything other than a peaceful nuclear program that Dana here claims the White House supports. This lies in direct contradiction by Dick Cheney where he stated that taking military action against Iran to ensure that they do not acquire a nuclear weapon should be done sooner rather than later.

Conservative Josh Muravchik (tool of the extremist Israeli agenda and psycho neo-con) have indicated that military action might be conducted some time before the election next year.

The argument that we should start a war with Iran because we don't know what they have know is fucking ridiculous. The "There is no alternative" argument is irresponsible and idiotic. These are arguments meant to increase a Western presence in the middle east. If we really were worried about terroists getting weapons taht can take out our allies in Europe, we would have bombed Pakistan and North Korea a long time ago.

These fanatics on the right (not all on the right) have an agenda that is to create a dominant western regime in that part of the world. It is disgusting. I am not a person hell bent on conspiracy theories but if you just listen to Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and their ilk you can hear those war drums beating and I am starting to see a very similar picture to the one that came before our invasion of Iraq.

Fuck.

An Open Letter To The Director Of NBC Programming

2007-10-22T13:43:00.000-05:00

So far this season of The Office has been less than engrossing. It's hard to put my finger on but things aren't working for me. Here are a list of things I think you need to work on:

There is no sexual tension on the show any more. Everyone seems to be in mutually fulfilling relationships. That's nice. Nice and boring. Pam and Jim need to break up immediately.
Some of the plot lines have been a little over the top. Dwight's bizarre "Inn" episode was too odd to be believed.
You are telling us too much about what happens outside of the office. The great thing about work stories is that you have no idea what lies behind the quirks of your coworkers and speculating on it is funny.
Peripheral characters are gettng too much air time. It seems like suddenly everybody wants to be the really funny one. Sometimes a good reaction shot is all that is needed to sell a bit. The confessional booth reactions where they tell everybody why the joke is funny is unnecessary.
Over all, it seems that you went and did way too much market resaerch trying to take a good show and increase its appeal. Actually, your marketing, advertising and product placement have gotten way out of control this year. Don't even get me started on Heroes.

Republicans Love War

2007-10-22T12:40:00.000-05:00

Except Ron Paul but he is actually a Libertarian.

I am guessing that the majority of the people in this audience are not joining the military any time soon and do not have kids serving in Iraq. Ron Paul gets booed for being thoughtful, caring and respecting the wishes of his constituents? What a crock of shit.

Also, plese don't show me any more messages of moms with dead kids who support the war to defend continuing the war. The "My kid died so you have to let more kids die to avenge his death." argument is a total crock of shit. I understand that there are grieving mothers out there who have been sold on the idea that if we don't continue the war then her son died for nothing. They were sold a lie. Their sons died for their country. They did what was asked of them and they marched off to war and fought the way a good soldier does. They upheld their part of the deal. They took responsibility for the contract they signed with their country. We need to be responsible to them now and get them the fuck out of Iraq.

New Greatest Generation

2007-10-22T12:06:00.000-05:00

I don't know if any body else was paying attention when the above phrase started getting floated around pretty heavily a few weeks ago in reference to our troops. I remember feeling like it was just part of the Petraeus report and 9/11 anniversary campaign to drum up support for the war. I wasn't sure of it but now that that ad campaign seems to have imploded noone seems to be using it anymore. I have to say that it sounded kind of odd and it turned me off when I first heard it. I'm pretty glad they dumped it. I am pretty sure that Rs thought the Ds would say something against the slogan and then jump all over them for belittling our troops actions. I guess the bait didn't take so they hauled in their lines and decided to go fishing somewhere else.

At Least You're Pretty

2007-10-19T14:03:00.000-05:00

I have read reports over the past several days that no substantive mid-east peace conference will occur any time soon. Why then does Dana make it sound like Connie's trip was successful and that a meeting will occur soon?

Pakistan is a "moderate Islamic state?" Are you fucking kidding me? The place is crawling with Taliban and Al Qaeda. A lot of people believe that they are providing a safe haven for none other than Osama Bin Laden. Wait, you're right, Dana. It's totally moderate.

The duck hunting remark at the end was pretty funny.

Bush Shit

2007-10-17T13:18:00.000-05:00

Why is it that each time I watch this guy try and struggle through a press conference I am still somehow surprised how inept he is. You'd think that he might read the paper the morning before he holds a news conference and I'mm not just talking about Garfield.

Let's break this shit down. Bragging about his veto seems like a pretty good place to start. Doesn't he realize that vetoing the SCHIP bill was an extremely unpopular thing to do? What a friggin' numb nuts. How can he claim that the white house "wasn't dialed in"? Gah.

His comments on Putin's visit to Iran seem very uninformed at best. I was aware of Putin's comments yesterday. Shouldn't the fucking president of the United States have a little more knowledge of world events than me?

Of all the losers you could choose to back right now, I think Blackwater is pretty close to being a completely indefensible choice. In his comments you'd think that he was talking about service men and women instead of out of control mercenaries.

Earlier in the conference he mentioned that the resolution to recognize the Armenian genocide was an unnecessary and ill advised move that would hurt our relations with Turkey. Today the president met with the Dalai Lama and totally pissed off the Chinese. What a friggin' joke.

Finally, if he has never before felt more engaged, he must have been a cmoplete absentee landlord for the 6 and a half years.

Cheney's Law

2007-10-17T12:00:00.000-05:00

Frontline ran a fantastic piece last night about Cheney and his fanatical views in regards to what he believes should be nearly unlimited powers of the presidency. If you missed it you can watch the whole thing on their website: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/

I Can Hardly Sit Still

2007-10-16T14:09:00.000-05:00

Larry Craig's entire interview with Matt Lauer will air on NBC tonight at 7 central. I will be camped out in front of my TV practicing my wide stance. It's gonna be awesome! Here's a taste:

In related news, many political shows that I watch have been asking the question, "Why did the GOP abandon this guy so fast?" I think it's because they knew he was gay for a along time and when he got caught they had already long ago decided how they were going to react. There have been rumors about Craig being gay for years.

Another question that has come up several times is, "Why do they abandon Craig and yet Vitter gets away with it?" That answer is quite simple. Craig comes from a state with a republican governor who would appoint a GOP replacement. Louisiana has a democrat governor who would replace Vitter with a democrat. The GOP is not going to call for the head of Vitter regardless of how many whores he gets caught up with.

I gotta get to the store for snacks for tonight's show. I'll post on the festivities tomorrow.

I Almost Bought It

2007-10-12T11:12:00.000-05:00

Lynne Cheney was on The Daily Show the other night and I was really starting to think that she was a charming lady and perhaps she and her husband are regular people who are not absolute neocon ideologues who will do anything to advance their cause. I felt that way right up until the very end of this interview. Please watch the til the end and then watch her speedy exit.

She obviously could not wait to get the fuck out of there. I don't know why. Jon went very easy on her. He could have really laid into her if he wanted to. He did not treat her as a spokesperson for her husband as much as he could have even though the content of her new book obviously is intended to humanize her husband. She should have been very grateful that he didn't call her on her bullshit when she started spewing GOP talkng points near the end of the interview.

A Deer In The Headlights

2007-10-11T12:08:00.001-05:00

Dana Perino may be the worst press secretary ever. Here she is yesterday in a press briefing discussing the Armenian genocide issue and FISA:

She takes a quote from the president's message on April 24th but later when she she is asked whether or not Bush characterizes the slaughter as genocide she claims that she hasn't read all the presidential messages. Hello? You just read an excerpt from the message. It's not that long:

Today marks the anniversary of a horrible tragedy, the mass killings and forced exile of countless Armenians in the final days of the Ottoman Empire. Many Armenians refer to these appalling events as the "great calamity," reflecting a deep sorrow that continues to haunt them and their neighbors, the Turkish people. The suffering that befell the Armenian people in 1915 is a tragedy for all humanity, which the world should not forget. I join the Armenian-American community and Armenians around the world in mourning the horrendous loss of life.

I also salute our wise and bold friends from Armenia and Turkey who are coming together in a spirit of reconciliation to consider these events and their significance. I applaud them for rising above bitterness, and taking action to create a better future. I wish them success, building on their recent and significant achievements, as they work together in a spirit of hope and understanding.

As we remember those who perished and suffered, we salute the nation of Armenia, and Armenians everywhere. The United States is grateful for the contributions of Armenian Americans to our national life. Generations of Armenians have employed wisdom, courage, and centuries-old traditions to overcome great suffering and enrich their adopted American homeland.

The United States is proud to be a friend of Armenia, a young state with an ancient heritage. We are deepening our partnership to help achieve a secure, prosperous, and dignified future for the citizens of Armenia. The United States is committed to achieving a just and lasting settlement to the Nagorno-Karabakh conflict. We will also continue to help Armenia as it strives to strengthen its democracy and market economy.

On behalf of the American people, I send solemn wishes to the Armenian people on this day of remembrance. Our nations stand together, determined to create a future of peace, prosperity, and freedom for the citizens of our countries, for our regions, and for the world.

GEORGE W. BUSH

Not exactly holding Turkey's feet to the fire.

Later when discussing FISA I could not believe that the president wants retroactive and continuing protection for "companies that are believed to have helped the nation after September 11." This is obviously in regards to ATT allowing the feds to monitor all calls both domestic and international as well as others who complied with NSLs that have recently been found to be over stretching their bounds. What a crock of shit.

Is This Really The Best They Can Do?

2007-10-10T12:55:00.000-05:00

Barack has been criticized for not running a conventional campaign because that is his intent and part of his message. Why doesn't he smear Hillary? He just points out his strengths which shine light on her weakness. Is America ready for a black president? Why not ask whether or not America is ready for another stupid white guy? The GOP can't seem to come up with anything that sticks so they decided to attack his wardrobe. Here's Stephen Colbert's take on the situation:

"I'm wondering what the real message is behind him taking off that pin." Are you fucking kidding me? He just told you. What else could it possibly mean? This got a lot of play on lots of other networks other than FOX too. All on shows where they seem to be handing the nomination to Hillary.

I get queezy every time a right-wing pundit attacks Barack and coronates Hillary. Not only do I not think she can win but also that she just represents the same old shit. The fundraiser at which she invited all of K Street and sat them down with committeemen and women to voice their cause and her defense of lobbyists kind of makes me sick.

You know why Hillary will never remove troops from the Middle East? Cuz she takes money from AIPAC. A lot of money. So does everybody else except Barack and Roberts who both swore not to accept money from PACs. That says a lot about the character of these 2 men. However, Roberts has elected to accept matching federal funds for his campaign which means he will have very little money to spend on the general election. That's why the only real, intelligent choice is Barack Obama. I shouldn't have to mention his appeal to those who want change and his ability to unite people. My mom is a total out there right winger and she is considering voting for him.

Let's drop all this "Inevitability of Hillary" crap and get to work making a real argument for a candidate that can and will win.

The Larry Doth Protest Too Much

2007-10-10T12:16:00.000-05:00

Anybody else think his preemptive denial might have been a foreshadowing of things to come?

Every Body Needs A Little Insulin

2007-10-09T12:15:00.000-05:00

Remember the old days when fried stuff was good for you? Good times.

I love fried chicken but rarely eat it on account of I'd like to live past 40 but I get cravings. I make a damn fine fried chicken myself but getting all the stuff ready to cook for just one person is a pain in the ass. It's kind of a big production line and a big mess. Since I read that KFC doesn't use trans-fats any more, I bee-bopped down there to get some vittles*.

I got a three piece dark with mashed and a biscuit. They had just put the chicken down so I had to wait for a while. While I waited I noticed that they have a new size soda. A half gallon. It comes in what looks like a small chicken bucket but with Pepsi written all over it. That's when I noticed the "Nutritional Facts" poster over behind a promotional "standy" for their "Bowl Meals".

On the poster they only list a medium soda which is 14 ounces and has 180 calories. I couldn't even find mention of any other size. Doing some quick math I figured that 64 ounces in a half gallon comes out to be 5.5 times that size and has a whopping 990 calories. Holy shit! Now that's some serious sugar rush. You can almost taste the diabetes.

Since the ad was right there, I decided to look up the Chicken and Biscuit Bowl. It has 870 calories. The calculations I made for my 3 piece meal came out to 1120 calories and enough fat to go over my RDA in one meal.

When my meal finally came I sat and ate it with a Diet Pepsi and read the Onion at my table. I tried to forget what kinds of poison I was shovelling into my face, all the while promising to do a few more crunches at the gym and pedal my bike with a little more gusto.

*That's hillbilly talk for dinner.

Osama Bin Leakin'

2007-10-09T11:25:00.000-05:00

According to an article in the Washington Post today, the most recent Osama Bin Laden tape was leaked to the press prematurely by someone within the White House. The SITE intelligence group had acquired a copy of the video and released it to the Bush administration on the condition that they not release it prior to Al Qaeda's release expected weeks later. The founder of the company says the disclosure tipped Al Qaeda to a security breach and destroyed a surveillance operation the company has used to collect messages, videos and warnings of bombings from the terrorist group's communications network.

The fact that the leak occurred so rapidly after the acquisition by White House officials leads me to wonder who and why the decision was made. I have a theory that the rapidly approaching 9/11 anniversary, General Petraeus' speech before congress and images of Osama were all used to try and drum up support for the war effort. Last time I checked, the war is just as unpopular as it was a few weeks ago. I hope that the administration feels it was worth ruining a valuable resource for the real war on terror in order to take the heat off themselves for a few minutes.

Republican Racism

2007-10-01T14:12:00.000-05:00

When he talks about the risks outweighing the rewards I think, "What is the downside of going and appearing to not be a racist?" The answer is that a large block of republican primary voters ARE racists. That doesn't mean the candidates who didn't show up are racist but they are very aware that many of their constituents are. Makes me feel kind of sick to my stomach.

Childrens Do Learn

2007-10-01T13:50:00.000-05:00

Sometimes he just makes it too easy.

Overkillary

2007-09-24T12:21:00.000-05:00

I like my Sunday morning politics shows. Hillary was on ALL of them. She said the same things on ALL of them. I can't stand her brand of rambling refusal to answer questions directly and ham fisted manipulation of debates to stick only to her talking points. It's irritating and when she laughs off questions it comes off as condescending. She cannot win a general election folks. Let's get it together and get behind an Obama/Biden ticket. Doesn't it bother anyone that all the conservative pundits are treating her as if she already won the nomination? They want to run against her. It's their only hope.

Boston Police

2007-09-22T12:28:00.000-05:00

Yesterday an MIT student was arrested for wearing what local police believed was a bomb strapped to her chest. It turned out that the student (an electronics engineering student) had made the shirt as a kind of nerdy joke for the friend she was picking up at the airport. Once I saw the device I asked myself, "How could anyone mistake this for a bomb?" This paired with the Aqua Teen Hunger Force fiasco last year leads me to believe that any time the Boston Police encounter a scrap of an old Atari 2600 the bomb squad will be called out. Good work Boston's finest.

Library Shenanigans

2007-09-21T12:35:00.000-05:00

My computer crapped out on me recently so from time to time I have been getting on the interwebs down at the local library. I had no idea that the library was home to the craziest people in Chicago. I have seen and heard some crazy shit in the last week. Here are a few examples:

Man watching porn on the internet. Apparently the library chooses not to ban such activity due to fears of other types of censorship. Creepy.
Woman's phone starts ringing. Instead of fumbling for it and turning it off, she freaks out. "Fucking shit! Why these mothafuckas gots to be calling me now? They know I be at the library!", she shouts and then TAKES the call. A long argument with a person I assume is her daughter follows.
Man approaches me and asks if I can help him with his email. I tried to be a good neighbor and help him but when trying to set up a Gmail account for him he gets all bent out of shape because he doesn't want to give me any information or ask him any questions. He asks librarian for help and he later gets irate and is escorted from the building.
Porn watcher guy takes bottle of lotion from bag and goes to the bathroom. Extra creepy.
Mother of four children (at least that's how many she had with her) slaps 3 of them in single 20 minute visit to the library.
Same crazy woman tries to enter library on 2 consecutive days but is escorted out. Woman pees on the floor of the lobby on second day.

That's all for now but I'll let you know how things progress. I'll probably be there for a while this weekend.

Shocking Revelation

2007-09-20T11:28:00.000-05:00

The police totally overreacted to this kid's actions. Having said that, watching this self important spoiled asshole get zapped is satisfying on a a very base level that I am not proud of but can't resist expressing.

Turning My Brain Off

2007-09-19T11:31:00.000-05:00

I was thinking about posting about OJ or Barack or Hillary or Craig or Greenspan but I finally just thought, "Fuck it. I'll just put up this stupid little video of the funniest commercial I've seen in years." So here it is:

Best Comercial

Enjoy the rest of your day.

This Seems Fishy To Me

2007-09-18T12:38:00.000-05:00

Considering all this went down at the same time that his book was being released, something about it seems to be a publicity stunt. Something about that smug look on his face makes me think that something is up.

Bush Is Not Afraid

2007-09-17T12:03:00.000-05:00

White House spokeswoman Dana Perino said during the announcement of Bush's new AG nominee that the concerns of whether or not the senate would confirm him bore no weight on his decision. "The president has shown that he is not afraid of any fight," she said. This is such an enormous crock of shit that Bush spent the entire weekend assuring Republicans that he is "conservative enough" in private meetings and calls. Let the hearings begin.

This Is Why I Am For Obama

2007-09-14T14:48:00.000-05:00

This man's ability to bring clarity to a given issue that is sensible, non-polarizing and uncomplicated. When he states that the removal of troops will reduce the anymosity towards the US throughout the middle east, he pushes a button in me that noone else does. I have been listening to Bush and the "they hate freedom" argument for years and I just can't take it anymore.

Idiots like Bush and Lieberman who want to keep us in the mid-east to "protect our interests" are setting us up for a war with Iran. Why? Oil and Israel. I know it's unpopular to say but the creation Israel was the single most disastrous and short sighted project the world ever took on. The fact that we backed the creation of a religious state and continue to show unwavering support for it is absolutely un-American.

I guess that second part was a bit of an off topic rant but sometimes a thought gets in there and I have to get it out there.

In Case You Missed It

2007-09-13T12:05:00.000-05:00

I thought this was pretty funny especially when you consider that Petraeus turned out to be such a tool. Also, I can't believe that Crocker is in charge of anything. That guy is such a little mousy bitch that there is no way he can be effective. He complained on The News Hour last night that he has had problems creating a sense of urgency. I wonder why? Maybe because he is giant fucking pussy? Could be.

And This Guy Is Running The War

2007-09-12T12:04:00.000-05:00

I was stunned by this comment. I interpret his stating "I don't know." as meaning "I can't say what I think without upsetting my chain of command." There is no way that a reasonably intelligent and considerate man could be involved in a war without asking himself this question as it has been the focus of heavy debate for the past 5 years. This man intends to keep us at war for as long as he is asked to without regard for whether or not it is in the best interest for our country. He is being a good soldier but not a good leader. That essentially means that his assessment of the effects of policy in Iraq are meaningless since he has no intent to try and direct policy.

Exactly What I Was Thinking

2007-09-11T14:06:00.000-05:00

Note: I took down the embed from the Washington Post cuz it was making my blog all "clicky". You can dind it on their website if you want.

Senator Obama makes me proud with his remarks. His inference that having these hearings on and around 9/11 was intended to drum up more support for the war is dead on. Why don't more people see through this charade.

I am enjoying these debates more than I should but I just love watching Republicans try to make claims of progress look legitimate when it is total bullshit.

Helluva Weekend

2007-09-10T10:34:00.001-05:00

I had quite full dance card this weekend with a few surprises. Had a nice time putting up signage for the Boulevard Lakefront Tour on Saturday morning followed by an Obama BBQ in the afternoon. Met some friends at German American Fest in Lincoln Square in the eraly evening and then headed for home after a quick stop at the grocery store. Then the shit hit the fan.

As I was nearing my building between 5 and 7 guys charged out of the alley and started hitting me. I dropped my groceries and did my best to cover up I was kicked repeatedly for what seemed like an eternity but was actually just about a minute. A few people on the street yelled for police and my assailants ran down the El entrance for a quick escape. I imagine they chose the site of the attack because it offered such a convenient escape route.

The police arrived a few minutes later and I gave a description of the one guy I got a good look at. I fully expect that noone will ever be caught and nothing will ever come of this except the bruises on my legs and my swollen jaw. I have a few cuts on my head from hitting the sidewalk.

I spent most of the day on Sunday at Hines VA hospital waiting to have my injuries checked out. My arm hurt so bad that I feared it was broken. Turns out it is not but it still hurts like a sum-bitch.

Who Needs Ambien?

2007-09-08T10:55:00.000-05:00

Fred Thompson made an appearance on The Tonight Show this past week and after months of speculation he has decided to put us all to f'n sleep. This guy is a giant sleeping pill. I usually turn on golf when I want to take a nap on Sunday afternoons but now I have another great choice for a sleep aid. Thank you, Fred. Yer the best.

Larry Craig Makes My Dreams Come True

2007-09-05T12:30:00.000-05:00

The above I posted mostly for my own entertainment. I can't stop watching it.

Recent reports suggest that Larry Craig is reconsidering his decision to resign from the Senate at the end of the month and may try to overturn his guilty plea and fight his conviction. I could not be happier. What I thought would simply be a week or so of potty jokes may now turn out to provide months of non-stop entertainment. Thank you, Larry. You have given me an early birthday present.

Gay Old Pachiderms

2007-08-31T14:06:00.000-05:00

Warner is retiring after this term. Tony Snow, Gonzo and Rover are all resigning. Looks like the GOP has decided to pack it in in many cases and let someone else deal with all this shit. The Rs must be really thankful that the heat of summer is almost behind them.

Fall Political Predictions:

Senator Craig will resign before the weekend is out. I guess this is still a summer prediction technically.
Reid will start playing ball with Republicans when it comes to troop withdrawal guidelines.
Another scandal will soon come to light revealing things about some of the folks who resigned. I say this because after a bunch of folks bailed out at Justice the whole US Attorneys fiasco broke.
Fred Thompson will enter the race and go on the offensive against Giuliani. He will drop out in early January and throw his support to Romney.

I am sure I'll be claiming to have misspoke about these in a few months but the chance to gloat if I am right is just too tempting. Besides, this is the internet and I can edit this shit later.

Thompson Gets Into The Race With A Bang

2007-08-30T13:47:00.000-05:00

Fred Thompson will announce that he plans to enter the race for the White House today after months of speculation. Unlike many candidates who make their announcements in large public spectacles to the cheers of thousands and receive incredible amounts of free press coverage, Thompson will make his announcement to a few hundred close supporters via a conference call.

I, for one, applaud this ballsy choice to make his announcement. Nothing tells me a candidate is determined and excited about becoming the next president like sitting in a conference room thousands of miles away from him staring at a black box with the mute button on. You can feel the excitement coming down the wire. It also engages the imagination. What is he weraing? Where is he calling from? What's the weather like there? Does he have pants on? Who knows?! He could be playing a game of smiles in a Philipino brothel for all we know. It's all so exciting.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to reserve the third floor conference room for today's announcement.

Gone-zales II - Electric Boogaloo

2007-08-30T13:38:00.000-05:00

AP reports today indicate that the Office of the Inspector General (OIG) responded to a request by Patrick Leahy to investigate whether or not Gonzo made misleading or inappropriate statements to congress, Inspector General Glenn A. Fine stated, "The OIG has ongoing investigations that relate to most of the subjects addressed by the attorney general's testimony that you identified."

I am almost certain that the timing of this announcement was such as to allow Fredo a few days to pack his bags and get out of town before the shit hit the fan.

Gone-zales

2007-08-27T13:43:00.000-05:00

It apperas that Gonzo finally got sick of being Chuck Schumer's favorite punching bag and decided to quit. I was floored. Halfway through the announcement I expected him to say, "Did I say resign? I'm sorry. I misspoke."

Bush seemed very disappointed in his response to the news. I don't blame him. After standing by his incompetent ass for nearly 6 months of non-stop scandals, I fully would have expected the little bastard to stick around.

There's been a lot of speculation as to who will take over as AG. I hope it's not Chertoff. Although very competent, I'd rather see some altogether new faces over at Justice.

A Conversation With My Friend's Dog That Is Moving To Los Angeles

2007-08-25T21:03:00.000-05:00

Me: Who's a good girl? Who's a good girl?

Bianca: Woof!

Me: Who wants a biscuit? Who wants a biscuit?

Bianca: Woof!

Me: You're moving to LA in a few weeks and I am gonna miss you. Yer the best dog I ever get to play with, lady! Yer panting a lot. You want an ice cube, girl?

Bianca: (quizzical look)

Me: OK. Here's an ice cube. That'll cool you off. When you get to Los Angeles, you're gonna need a lot more ice cubes. It's warm there all the time. That's why everybody there is skinny. It's too hot to be fat. Yer gonna have to lose some weight. You can only be fat in LA if you are playing the catcher in a kid's baseball movie or goalie in a hockey movie.

Bianca: (sniffs crotch)

Me: Ya know, like in that movie about the Ducks and the Sand Lot? After that, you gotta get buff and be a C-lister like Jerry O'Conell or pack it in. You can't be doing the truffle shuffle and expect anyone to take you seriously unless you're really skinny.

Bianca: Owwwrrrrr.

Me: Exactly. Do you think Christian Bale would have done any fucking thing after Newsies unless he got really skinny and totally ripped? Hell No! He's got weird teeth and an odd accent.

Bianca: Shut the fuck up.

Me: I want a biscuit.

More On Infrastructure And Shit

2007-08-25T18:36:00.000-05:00

Ahem. Rant coming.

G-Bushy and the Republicants (I sometimes spell this with a U) have decided that it is more important to fund the war and not raise taxes than it is to repair the nation's roads and bridges as well as other infrastructure projects. This is a Libertarian like argument and it really pisses me off. They expect that federal projects can build roads and then leave them to the states to maintain. It's such ridiculous bullshit since the division of wealth from state to state is vastly varying. Taxes provide funding for infrastructure projects that create jobs. Estimates say that for every billion that goes into an infrastructure project, 40,000 jobs are created. Why would anyone argue against it? Because we are a nation of children who want everything but want someone else to pay for it. I am not a rich man and I would rather pay more in taxes than have another person die because a levy breaks or another bridge falls.

I Love The Internets

2007-08-25T17:46:00.000-05:00

This show was canceled after myriad complaints from PETA and other animal rights groups but I can still watch the oh so wrong footage thanks to the interwebs. Enjoy the following clip for all the wrong reasons:

I feel dirty. Here's another. The commentary is priceless.

I Was Going To See Superbad

2007-08-24T14:50:00.000-05:00

TThen I read the review of The Bratz movie and decided I should go see what is being reviewed as "the worst movie of the year" and "I can't believe it was even released in theaters." How can I pass up an opportunity to see such a god awful disaster? If you want to meet up, I'll be the only non-retarded male over the age of 7 sitting in the back.

Mind Nam-ing

2007-08-23T12:59:00.001-05:00

In a speech in front of a VFW convention yesterday G-Dubs made direct comparisons with Vietnam to the war in Iraq. If I had a jug with "XXX" printed on it, I would have done a double take and tossed over my shoulder. You see, a few years back when Kennedy was using such comparisons to criticize Bush's handling of the war he said that statements like that were preposterous and that the suggestion "emboldened our enemies." Well, I guess he can consider them good and emboldened. now.

Rove Not Exactly Getting Grilled

2007-08-20T14:26:00.000-05:00

Karl Rove was on Meet The Press yesterday and it was a huge snooze fest. I was more than a little put off by it. Where the hell was Russert? I was hoping for him to be all over him about the Plame leak but instead we were treated to David Gregory boring the shit out of us. Blech.

The War On Tehran-ism?*

2007-08-15T14:05:00.000-05:00

The White House recently decided to designate Iran's Revolutionary Guard Corps (basically a branch of the Iranian army) as a terrorist organization. Am I the only person who is a little worried about this shit?

*In the event we go to war with Iran, CNN is going to have to pay through the nose to use this title.

Who Wouldn't Want To Take This Stuff?

2007-08-13T19:53:00.000-05:00

I used to have an odd sensation in my legs that made it hard to get to sleep sometimes. Doctors call it Restless Leg Syndrome or RLS. Then my doctor recommended Mirapex and life has been great ever since. I no longer have those annoying urges to move when I want to relax. It's great but the benefits don't stop there. Here's a brief list of the other benefits:

Falling asleep while driving makes boring road trips go by much faster.
Standing up is like stepping off a merry-go-round. Weeeee!
My earning potential is sure to take off with my new found interest in gambling.
It's entertaining to watch my sex partners walk funny.

Karl Rove Resigns

2007-08-13T18:04:00.000-05:00

When I first read this headline it was pretty early this morning and I thought it said "Karl Rove Re-signs." I was like, "Holy shit! What kind of contract did they give him?"

At the end he thanked God for his continued strength and guidance. The Almighty's spokesman had no comment on God's involvement with the administration.

Kind of glad he is gone but at this point there was little that this administration can accomplish as Bush is a lame duck. His absence means very little. Perhaps it will aid in other investigations as the argument for executive privilege becomes less viable in court but GW's term will be over by the time those decisions are made.

Bill Richardson Is Not A Scientist

2007-08-10T20:15:00.000-05:00

Bill is seen here struggling with a question that a lot people have a hard time with and doing a very bad job of answering it. I don't think he is against homosexuality necessarily but he is reluctant to commit to the notion that someone is born gay. I would guess that as a Hispanic Catholic he feels the need to support the views of his church and community. To be fair, it is a loaded question that basically is looking for him to say something he doesn't believe even though his personal opinion might not necessarily direct his style of governing.

I have had many long discussions on this topic especially when I was studying anthropology in school. I even considered writing my thesis on the topic but the kind of studies needed to make my argument were not readily available at the time and I could not afford to pay for such a massive project. My theory on the subject is still valid even if I cannot provide concrete evidence at thtis time.

I do think that gay people are born gay. We are all born with certain predetermined talents and inclinations in a variety of things. Some people are born with gifts for athletics. Some are born with a knack for music or the arts and some people are born who will eventually have sexual feelings for members of their own sex. Some of these things are genetic and others are controlled by development. I believe that sexuality is a function of the latter.

It doesn't make sense that homosexuality would be passed along via genes. I make this assertion because gay people cannot have children. Over time the gene for homosexuality would have been selected against and would have died out. Sure, a few people who denied their true selves due to social constraints would have married and had children here and there but that would have been rare.

What's more probable is that during the embryo's development, factors such as hormonal exposure, temperature, diet and other things contribute to the child's sexuality. Hormones especially play a huge role in development. There have been some incredibly accurate predictors for a child's athletic ability that are directly related to the mother's testosterone levels during pregnancy. In males, there is a direct link between the percentage difference in length between the ring and index fingers that contributes to the average man's muscle composition. Testosterone levels during development have been proven to directly affect this equation. I think that these same types of factors are what decide a child's sexual preference as well as many other social characteristics.

At the end of the day, I think that Bill and I have very different ideas about how one becomes a homosexual but I think that we'd both agree that gays have the same rights as everyone else. Notice I don't say, "should have." They already have them. They were born with them but as of this day many of us have chosen not to recognize them.

Kind of Embarassed

2007-08-07T23:08:00.000-05:00

I watched the AFL/CIO Democratic debate tonight and felt like a total dingus as a Chicagoan. People were shouting out only when they thought or knew they were on camera. They were standing up behind Keith Olberman and those asking questions to do their "I'm on TV" dance and hooting any time they were within earshot of a mic.

What a bunch of pathetic losers the AFL/CIO is if they put total numb-nuts and dumb-asses in the best seats. A bunch of schmoes who stand up and show their T-shirts every time they try to get a reaction shot from Jesse Jackson are not the folks I would have represent me. Were they tailgating all day? What a mess. I am insulted as a Democrat. I am not surprised as a one time union member.

I was always disappointed by my union brothers when it came to being civilized. I got my car hit with a brick after I left a meeting on the union's behalf by a union member. He shouted the word, "SCAB/Nigger!", as he lobbed it at my car. I was union, white and not a racist so I was extra pissed off when I got out and went after that asshole. Fuck the union! You put a dent in my hood! OK, now I'm just venting.

In any case, I was disappointed in the debate. Even though the field has been narrowed to 7, we cannot have a real debate just yet since everyone is bound by timing and responses if they are brought to task. A few times there were statements where someone had a deep and meaningful point but the audience did not get it. When O'Bama re-questioned Clinton about commenting on foreign policy, she basically said that a president doesn't tell the American public what is going on. There was a brief boo and then it kept going.

Later, it got more odd. Seeing as they had an immediate audience that was more concerned with getting their T-Shirt on TV, the folks who asked questions from the audience were rarely treated like people by the panel. Joe Biden seemed especially angry in returning a certain question. He decided to answer a previous question and really pissed off the lady from the AFL/CIO who had recently lost a loved one. He seemed angry for almost the rest of the debate until he tried to use his one word answer again to lighten the mood.

After the whole thing was done, I got the feeling that Clinton and Dodd had made a pact. That ticket is probably in the works. Obama was a little too descriptive of his position. He should have kept it short and sweet. He is the man for change. Being verbose and boring is going to lose voters.

Kucinich made me happy. He made me think of all the liberals like myself who have married women too hot for them. He reminded me of my ideal and cynical self at the same time. He kicked ass with every person there who doesn't vote. It pisses me off that voting for him might lead to a Hillary nomination.

Uhhh.. Yea. I don't think she can win in the general election. Do I have to push an Obama/Kucinich bill to be totally isolated? Fuck.

Infrastructure and Shit

2007-08-04T18:39:00.000-05:00

Let me first say that I deeply sympathize with the friends and families of those who were lost in the recent bridge collapse in Minneapolis. I hope that they can take some comfort knowing that the country is thinking of them and wishing them well. That said, I am glad it happened.

Sometimes it takes a tragedy to focus on a problem that we would otherwise ignore. We needed a wake up call to focus on a huge problem. Our current president has decreased taxes and cut funding to every program except the war in Iraq for the past 61/2 years. That means ignoring the federal government's obligation to maintain the national highway system. Some intrastate roadways here in Illinois have been under a constant state of repair since I was born. Route 80 ran right by the small town I grew up in and I have never had a trip on it in my life where I didn't see some sort of repairs going on. These repairs are generally paid for by the state and so the standard for how the roads are engineered fall to the states that dump money into repairing these roadways. As such, their have been lots of mistakes and underfunding of these projects for decades. I think that creating a national infrastructure commission that would direct the efforts of the states (if not take the helm and the responsibility of maintaining national roadways from states) that would be paid for by a national tax on gasoline is in order.

As unpopular as it sounds, America needs to start facing the fact that we need to pay for the things we have and want. We cannot keep cutting taxes and expect the bridges, dams, canals and other public facilities to hold up forever. It's just not practical. Americans are so afraid of taxes that they fail to think of the massive benefits we can reap from public works projects. FDR's public works programs employed hundreds of thousands while repairing our economy. History tells us that with sacrifice comes great rewards. Our country has forgotten that to a great degree.

Why do we walk down the street and see something broken and ask, "Why doesn't somebody fix that?" Then we walk on down past the plastic bags blowing through the streets and let our dogs shit in our neighbors yards. We should be asking ourselves, "What can I do to fix this?" I try to do something for my neighborhood whenever I can and I think that all of us together can do something great for this country if we just took responsibility for it. Let's stop waiting for someone else to fix everything and get our fat asses back on track.

Tom Skilling Must Pay

2007-07-31T18:11:00.000-05:00

It was hovering around 92 in my hood today. Tomorrow it's expected to be around 95 AND it's gonna finally get humid out. Maybe Tom isn't actually responsible for the weather but I don't give a shit. As far as I'm concerned, he adopted responsibility when he graduated from meteorologist school. Also, his brother is that crooked Enron guy. Those Skilling kids can't be trusted.

Parenting Tips For Maury Povich Guests

2007-07-31T13:57:00.000-05:00

If there is one thing I can always count on it's Maury Povich to bring the worst people on earth together for a lunch time filled with "You gotta be shitting me moments." Today he featured out of control teens who terrorize their passive parents. So they bring these folks on the show and the parents cry and the girls say, "Wha'eva!", over and over again and we all worry that the country is doomed to become populated by morons who love to have lots of kids. I have the solution.

Many of you may have heard of the "Time Out" or TO technique of parenting. This technique seems to work with non-brain damaged children between 1 and 10. A misbehaving child is told to take a "Time Out" and is sent to predetermined location to ponder their actions. Often, the child will become calm and actually learn to avoid TOs by acting properly. In some more incorrigible children, more extreme methods may be needed. That's where my technique comes in.

I recommend using the "Lights Out" method on the kids who appear on Maury. The Lights Out technique is implemented by denying the child of consciousness through a variety of techniques. Kid is selling drugs? Taser. Kid threatens you with a bat? Blunt instrument to the base of the skull. Kids a prostitute? Tranquilizer dart. It's just that easy! If you want further information on the Lights Out (aka KO) technique, let me know.

Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a paternity test coming up that I am really interested in.

Bad Medicine

2007-07-29T19:26:00.000-05:00

I don't usually watch Dateline as it is generally some of the shittiest, fear mongering journalism on TV. Tonight I was flipping through and the topic caught my interest. I had just finished watching 60 Minutes and their report on pharmaceutical lobbying. Dateline had taken the night off from entrapping pedophiles to run a report on fake drug manufacturing. I had watched a program on this same subject on another program a few weeks ago. As such, I decided to watch.

Now, manufacturing fake medicines can be very dangerous but the experts here in the states they kept interviewing were people who would benefit most from people being frightened to death by fake meds. Who's that? Fucking Pfizer! You see, in the program I watched a few weeks ago, the reporter noted that any respectable pharmacist could easily spot a phony bunch of drugs. In fact that other program noted that unless the pharmacist was actually involved in the scam it would be hard to distribute such pills. I am getting more and more skeptical of the experts as the program goes on.

Near the end of the program, Pfizer marches out the answer. A system that puts a computer chip in each bottle to be able to more easily track the pills. You think that little gadget is going to pump up the cost of the pills? Hells yeah! You think Pfizer and friends are getting a big kick back from the manufacturer of that technology? Fuck yeah! And do you think there is a lobbyist in your representative's office right now trying to make it LAW that these chips be put on every fucking bottle of pills you buy? You got it right, MOTHAFUCKAZ!

Hope you like your drugs expensive and hard to get.

Bugs

2007-07-26T19:02:00.001-05:00

I have been watching the pooch of a friend for the last few days and got back home last night. When I got home, there were a few fruit flies in my apartment. I thought maybe I had forgotten to empty the trash before I left. I looked in the can but there was nothing there. Just a few of them so I figured they just got in through the open window and they'd leave or die when they could find no free meal.

When I got up this morning, they were still buzzing around. They are kind of annoying because they buzz around anything remotely sweet and I had toast with raspberry preserves this morning. Drove me nuts trying to wave them off. They are very persistent and hard to swat.

An hour or so later I got my bike down from the hook and opened my back door. I almost lost my cookies. There is a large gap between my wooden door and my screen door and if I often just leave my trash in the gap for an hour or so til I've finished cleaning the house. Since I use the back door more often than the front, I rarely forget it. But not this time. There were bugs everywhere and now they were swarming into my house.

I have killed dozens of them since I've gotten home but they just keep coming. I have found a cup filled with a sugary liquid and a funnel on top makes a good trap. They get in really easy but can't get out. I have to cover my soda glass and plate with a napkin.

I can't believe there are so many of them. It was just a couple of days. Shit.

Let's See If We Can Actually Prosecute The Little Worm

2007-07-26T14:34:00.001-05:00

His recurring talking points that we'll give them all the information they want when really the White House provides nothing they have asked for and continue to claim they lost things then later that they don't have to turn them over because it is a case of executive privilege. Then they say, "OK you can talk to these folks but only in a sealed hearing with no transcripts and no oaths." And why are they doing it? Not to save their asses but rather to protect the power of the presidency for future administrations. Yeah, right.

Tony Snow said that, "...no one has laid a glove on him.", while referring to Alberto Gonzales. Well, Tony, get your man ready to get in the ring.

Everybody cross your fingers because if the Solicitor General, Paul Clement, does not feel compelled to appoint a special counsel, all will have been for nothing. other cases in which we have seen people perjure themselves will fall to Gonzales and his cronies who will certainly refuse to prosecute. Ultimately, I think we are looking at a conviction near the end of Bush's term followed by an immediate pardon.

Why Isn't This Fella In Jail Yet?

2007-07-25T12:11:00.000-05:00

Just fucking charge him already. What the fuck are we waiting for? Oh, wait. I forgot that no one will actually be able to prosecute anyone since the entire justice department is in the president's pocket. Fucking fuck.

Ya Know... There's A War Going On

2007-07-24T09:41:00.000-05:00

So can we get serious for a moment? We are trying to narrow the field for our next president and here they are fielding questions from snowmen and 2 guys pretending to be hillbillies. This was pure entertainment and bad entertainment at that. I would have been better served by watching cartoons all night. Pathetic.

Attention Nerds!

2007-07-20T18:40:00.000-05:00

HARRY POTTER IS NOT A REAL PERSON! HE CANNOT DIE! NEITHER CAN ANYONE ELSE IN THE BOOK! YOU CAN! STOP WASTING YOUR LIFE WAITING IN LINES! GO FIND SOMEONE TO LOVE AND WAIT TIL MONDAY TO BUY THE DAMN BOOK! IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT FOR PETE'S SAKE!